Modern dating can be so complicated! But what can you even DO about it? IS there something you can do to navigate this dating climate? Listen to this episode to find out what YOU personally can do to avoid the hamster wheel that is most modern dating, and attract true love at last.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

– Why dating has become so complicated

– The obstacles you’ll face with it

– How to navigate through modern dating

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Episode Transcription Start —>
S6EP16

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate.

Speaker2: [00:00:06] Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams. Yes. You already know this. Modern dating is broken. The fuck do you do about it, though? Let’s talk about that. All right. So modern dating is broken. It’s a mess. It’s a shit show. It’s a frustrating situation. We hear it all the time from women, from all walks of life, from all over the world. We actually have clients on. I think now it’s every continent except Antarctica. Maybe I’m I don’t know, I don’t have a map in front of me. But we have clients from all over the world the most in in North America and in Europe, Europe, Scandinavian countries, that kind of thing. But what everybody says everywhere is modern dating is broken. And so what do you do about that? First you recognize it that it’s not your imagination. It’s frustrating. There’s there’s men who you’re like, there’s just so many guys I don’t want to go out with. There’s all kinds of frustrating situations. There’s people that are narcissistic men and women. There’s people that are just unable to really connect with each other. They’re scammers, there’s jerks, stuff like that. And and there’s a lot of loneliness and there’s a lot of dysfunction out there. And so so so what what does that mean? Modern dating is broken.

Speaker2: [00:01:49] Well, here’s some of the things that we that we see about why modern dating is broken. So the first one is big dreams and little preparation to make those dreams come true. And so so what happens when you have big dreams and little preparation to make those dreams come true? Well, you see, like you hear all these stories and maybe it’s happened to you online profiles for online dating, whether it be whatever tinder or this, that what doesn’t really matter what which the online dating site or the app is they’re scammers out of all over the place. We have one woman came to us. She’d been scammed out of $70,000. Another woman scammed out of $200,000. And so there’s a lot of different dating sites where there’s just pictures, there’s focus on pictures, there’s little words, all of that stuff. But most women’s online dating profiles are a huge invitation to scammers. And they just don’t know because why? Because they’re not really prepared for how to put themselves out there in in such a way that this is not the only thing, but this is a big deal. You can hire someone to write an online dating profile for you for five, $10,000, but that’s not necessarily going to match up with you. Like we take our clients through by hand to show them what to do, what kind of pictures to show, what things not to say, because there’s little codes in there that that scammers are looking for, that that basically most women are putting out there.

Speaker2: [00:03:22] And so everyone is a target when you’re putting out things in pictures and words and stuff like that. But anyway, that’s not the focus. The big thing is, look, you got big dreams, little preparation, because, look, it’s not just online dating. It’s a the research shows that people nowadays are more lonely than ever. And and when we’re talking about like the millennial generation, but it applies to others, the Gen Xers and above and stuff like that. This is right now, people are more unprepared for relationships than ever in human history. The research is is is showing that this is an epidemic of loneliness and being unprepared for the messiness of human interactions in society and especially in relationships. And you can just look at it where, I mean, a lot of the things that we buy online, we used to actually have to interact with humans about and we don’t anymore. And so this is making human interaction less common, less like we’re just less practiced in it. And, and online is designed for efficiency and putting people in boxes, putting things in boxes and clicking a box and stuff like that. Human interactions are not like that. So now, right now, you as a single person, if you’re listening, you’re less prepared than ever before to get into a relationship.

Speaker2: [00:04:51] So that comes back to big dreams, little preparation. What’s the second reason why modern dating is broken? Well, the paradox of choice. The research shows that the more choices we have, the less we are satisfied with the choices we have. The research also shows that we, because we have so many choices, we become more choosy but less committal. And what does that mean? Less committal. It means that you’re less able to make a commitment to. Why is that? Well, underneath that is there’s really no decision making framework to know how and when to commit and like when to not commit and run the other way. So choice alone, like a lot of choices alone leads to overwhelm. And and when you combine that with big dreams and little preparation, it means that people use poor quality decision making tools and they make poor choices. So what does that look like in dating? People say, well, you know, after a certain number of weeks or months. In other words, they use the calendar as a decision making tool. It’s a terrible decision making tool. How do you know that? You have gotten into relationships with people, you’ve gotten into relationships with guys after a week or two of knowing them and after a year or two of knowing them.

Speaker2: [00:06:14] And though all of them have ended up on the rocks, so the calendar doesn’t make a a great decision making tool, but when people don’t have better decision making tools, they grasp for poor quality decision making tools and think that’s going to help them. And the number of dates, the number of time you’ve known someone, this is a poor quality decision making tool or they use chemistry. So the calendar chemistry like, oh, I feel sparks, I feel over the moon, I feel excited, stuff like that or the cuteness factor, right? Or what friends or family think or stuff like that. These are poor quality decision making tools and it feeds into the paradox of choice. It’s like so many people, you can go on to Tinder, you can go on to Match.com, you can go on to Bumble, you can go on to whatever is the hot dating app or whatever now and find so many, so many guys out there and they’re finding so many women. And so what does that mean? That means that you’re more choosy, less committal, and you combine it with the fact that you don’t even have a good decision making framework. This is something we give our clients is a solid decision making framework for knowing when to commit, how to, when to run that kind of thing. And and the commitment becomes more difficult. So you become more reluctant.

Speaker2: [00:07:29] And so you’re out there with all of these choices, but you become a reluctant dater or you become defensive. You do things like, I’m going to have to research somebody and look them up on, you know, all this type of stuff is all coming from a defensive and fear based place. Right. And the third reason why and it could be 100, but I’ve just broken down to three reasons why modern dating is broken is men don’t know how to be men. Now, when I say that men don’t know how to be men, you’re probably nodding your head now, right? Because I’m assuming you’re a woman who’s looking for a man and you’re like, Yeah, men don’t know how to be men, right? So that’s accepted. So it takes two to tango. What’s the flip side of that was harder to face? Women don’t know how to be women. Like when we talk about feminine radiance. This is a lost art in our our programs. We help women revive it and thrive as a woman in dating, in relationships, in marriage. And this extends to every area of life. This extends to work. We have clients. I remember one client who doubled her income and worked less. We have another client who’s sex toppled her income six times her income while attracting a husband. Now they’re planning a family and stuff like that.

Speaker2: [00:08:54] We have women that are getting doctorates that are like they were. Ab What is it? A, B, Everything but thesis. I think it is everything but doctorate. I can’t remember what it’s called, but anyway, finally getting their doctorates or losing weight or something like that. Doctors getting the best patient feedback from their at their hospital or clinic or something ever. Why is it because you have more power as a woman that then you realize and it’s gotten lost over the years? So if you accept that men don’t know how to be men and that’s you can see that everywhere, then the flip side of that is, well, women don’t know how to be women. And that is that is contributing to this modern dating is broken in this shit show that everyone sees. And so the power that you have as a woman has been lost and it doesn’t look like masculine power. It’s different. And and when you have feminine power, what we call being the relationship established, you’re a navigator, which, by the way, is a role that you have, whether you like it or not, know what it means or not, anything like that. Well, you then and you start to actually recognize and learn how to use that power, that feminine radiance as a relationship established or navigator. It actually helps you attract masculine, high quality men. Rather than when your power that you that you grab for kind of mimics masculine power will this repels the men that you really want it doesn’t repel the the kind of the flowy guys that are just like frustrating you and not stepping up and stuff like that.

Speaker2: [00:10:33] It doesn’t repel those guys. It actually attracts those guys, but it repels the masculine men who can see you, feel you, hear you coming a mile away and they go the other way. So now let’s talk about what to do, what to what to do. So first thing about what to do when we talk about modern dating is broken and what to do about it. First thing I want to do is just accept it. Like, here’s the thing, you could complain about it. You can look into what’s going on and stuff like that, but that’s not really going to help you, right? You could complain about it and be frustrated about it like ad nauseum. Here’s here’s an example. So we just moved to Scottsdale, Arizona. And, you know, we got to do we got to filter the water. Like when you take a shower, when you’re drinking, what you’ve got to have filtered water. We moved from California, from the San Francisco Bay area. You know, we had to do their filter the water. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, we didn’t have to filter the water.

Speaker2: [00:11:30] And I was in New York City. But I don’t think anywhere you had to filter the water. But you know what? We you pretty much got to filter the water almost everywhere. You are not everywhere, but almost everywhere, at least in America. Right. So do I stand there and complain about the water? No, I get filters and I get the best filter that I can and I start focusing on the problem and I start focusing on the solution. So the first thing to do is just accept it. Modern dating is a fucking shit show, so something has to be done about it, but complaining about it doesn’t really help you. The second thing is get the best filter you can. Right? It’s just like I can complain about how the water is bad, but it’s not really helping me. But if I get a really the best filter that makes sense for my home instead of great, that’s going to help in this case. When we’re talking about modern dating, get the best coaching mentoring so you can navigate this minefield, this shit show of modern dating. We have a whole process of of doing this called a feminine radiance and Courage Process gives you a new decision making framework, how to distinguish between the keepers and the creepers, you know, when to stay, when to run, that type of thing.

Speaker2: [00:12:39] And the third thing you can do, you could do this tonight, right now. Is to journal about what you have accepted or settled for in the past with men in relationships, dating, situation, ships, all of that stuff. Because you thought, I can’t have anything better, this is just what it is and get in touch with why you’re just never going to let yourself go there again. Get real about what you really want, what’s in your heart and yes, get back in touch with your big dreams. Because, look, every time you you, you know, another year goes by another birthday, another New Year’s, another holidays where you’re around friends, family, and they’re like, why are you still single? You know, stuff like that. You let your dreams fade a little bit more. Because your self esteem is is going down, your self confidence is going down. So when you’re journaling tonight, if you choose to do this. Get back in touch with your big dreams. But don’t just stop there. Get prepared to bring them to fruition. Our clients, we call them and they call themselves Love Warriors have a few fun sayings. We’ve got a lot of sayings, but I’m going to share a couple with you. One of them is This shit works very simple. And another one is Dreams Do Come True. So don’t ever forget that dreams do come true.

Speaker2: [00:14:06] But the best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up to the reality that you’ve got to do something about it. One of the things that I’ve heard that that are saying our clients also say is act as if it’s up to you. Praise if it’s up to God and you can put God, spirit, the universe, whatever it is. But don’t let modern dating snuff out your joy. Snuff out what’s in your heart. Don’t let modern dating and the frustrations and the scammers and all that make you think that dreams don’t come true. Because in our community, dreams are coming true all the time. And if you want to do something about that, if you want to step into a new life for yourself being a loved warrior. Decide that now is the time for you to do something about this. And and like I said, look at those three things. Except that modern dating is broken. Get the best filter, get the best coaching, and just really reflect on what you’ve accepted. Settle for in the past. Maybe because you thought you didn’t wasn’t going to get any better because everybody’s dealing with the same stuff and get back in touch with your big dreams. You deserve to have your dreams come true. Get prepared and let’s make it happen. Thanks for joining me on Singles Sunday.

Speaker1: [00:15:21] Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode. If you’re a single professional woman who wants your success in your love life to match your success in your career or business, and you’re looking to get crystal clear right now about why true love just hasn’t been knocking on your door and and what you can do about it. You’re going to want a book, a love breakthrough clarity call right now with one of our love breakthrough specialists. She’ll get on the phone or zoom call with you one on one to assess exactly what’s been holding you back and love what it is you really want and how to get there as quickly as possible. By the end of this compassionate and professional assessment, you’ll finally have clarity plus an immediately actionable path forward. So just go to single to soulmate dot com forward slash call to book a call that’s single to soulmate dot com forward slash call for a free love breakthrough call. That’s for you. If you’re a single professional woman who is as serious about your love life right now as you’ve been about getting your degree or your career or business success. And if you’re ready to finally have some clarity and have a breakthrough in your love life right now, this is perfect for you. Again, that’s single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book your life changing one on one assessment call right away.

Episode Transcription End —>

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.