Have you ever felt or been told that you are too dependent on others? Maybe you feel weak and powerless? It doesn’t have to be that way and you can be strong and powerful! Learn about how and why it matters for your love life in this episode…

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
– How to not come across as needy
– What to do to stand in your power
– What you’ll start noticing when you stand in your power

READY TO MAKE A DRAMATIC CHANGE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE?

If you are ready to take action and control over you love life to find the man of your dreams go to http://bit.ly/SingleToSoulmate-Call to book a FREE call with Dr. Lara Fernandez herself to assess exactly what’s been holding you back in love, what is it you REALLY want, and how to get there as quickly as possible.

Want to know your Love Pattern? After over 15 years of helping women find their soulmate, we have identified 5 different Love Patterns, each with different characteristics that keep you from finding true love. You can find what your love pattern is and how to overcome it by taking our quiz. Just go to http://bit.ly/STS-LovePatternQuiz

—-

Did you enjoy this episode?
If so, please share it with a friend and let us know by leaving a review. To get notified when a new episode comes out, subscribe to the show on your favorite platform.

Episode Transcription Start —>
S5EP25

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams. Hello. And I’m so glad that you were here. We’re going to be talking today about how to not be needy, how to know where you stand with a man and so much more. So a lot of people have realized that connection, love, relationships, these are actually the most important things in life. And maybe you’ve realized that as well. But when when we have a kind of like a brush with mortality or, you know, things get shaken up, it’s understandable for us to feel, to feel shaken, to feel disoriented, to feel kind of like we’re having to reprioritize our life. And it’s actually a really good place to be. And so the questions that I’m going to answer today are in the context of everything that’s going on. And and the reason why it’s so it’s so important, more so than ever, is because of everything going on. A lot of people are realizing the importance of connection, the importance of relationships, the importance of a self evaluation of who I am, where I am, and what’s going on in my life. Okay. But the questions were about like, well, what about if you have a guy who wants to spend time with you but he doesn’t want to say, I’m going to answer three particular questions that came.

Speaker1: [00:01:45] He doesn’t want to kind of like claim you as his girlfriend or say that he’s your boyfriend or something like that. So I’m going to address that one first. So when you I want you to understand the context in which we answer all of all of our questions and all of these things come up. And the context is, let’s look at how you got into the position that you got in rather than just look at the position that you got in. But how did you get into the position that you got in? And so how do you get into a position with a man who you’re spending time with and he’s not willing to claim you as his girlfriend or anything like that? And this is a commitment issue. But here’s the thing. The conventional wisdom, a lot of blog articles and stuff like that you’ll read is like, oh, that’s a problem is men don’t know how to commit. And here’s the thing. You are as a woman, are the relationship established and the relationship navigator. What that means is that you actually set the ground rules. You let him know who you are and what you’re doing. They’re not by your words. And this is where a lot of women go off the rails, is that you think you have to say a certain thing. And it’s not about what you say, it’s about what you do. It’s about the energy with which you carry yourself. And if so, if you have a man that has commitment issues, meaning that he’s not willing to commit to you, that’s because you are broadcasting to him that you are unwilling to commit to you.

Speaker1: [00:03:27] Therefore, you are not going to attract a man who is willing to commit to you because your life does not reflect that you are committed to you. How do you know that? Because you’re getting into a relationship with a man that you don’t know where it’s going. Because generally speaking, it’s because you don’t know how to make that happen, how to take that relationship where it’s crystal clear to him that you are a woman of substance, of high value, that you are committed to true love, marriage and family and nothing less. Right. There’s this myth of the easygoing, cool chick. I’ve spoken about it elsewhere, so I’m not going to talk about it here. But the idea, the general idea that I’ll just speak to in for a moment is that if you are more easygoing and you kind of let things kind of, you know, let’s see where it goes, that eventually, because you’re so awesome, you’re just sex with you is so great or, you know, you’re just such a wonderful person that that’s going to steer him to realize that he wants to commit to you. And I just want to say I say this with all love and compassion and I say this respectfully, but this is this is delusional. That’s not how it works.

Speaker1: [00:04:51] That’s not how men work. It simply means that you don’t understand how men work. So men are quite simple. They’re going to put you in one of two categories pretty much right away. It’s from your voice, how you speak, your voice pattern. You’re the speed with which you speak the the the tone, the way you move your flow or lack thereof, the way you present yourself reveals what you’re doing in private. And so how you vibrate in private is how you present in public. And the man knows where to put you in. You’re either a woman who talks the talk or a woman who walks the walk. In other words, if you are not committed to you and your dreams and your hopes, meaning that you pour energy into your self because you value yourself, then you’re putting out the opposite energy, which is, you know, I’ll get around to me when I get around to me. And when you say I’ll get around to me when I get around to me, when you basically when your life reflects that you are low on your priority list, then you will attract a man for whom you are low on the priority list. And you. That doesn’t mean that what you say something like, Hey, I want you to be a high quality man. It means that your life needs to reflect that pouring energy into you. And what’s inside of you has to be something that you can measure.

Speaker1: [00:06:28] Because otherwise it’s just talk. So how much time are you pouring into your dreams, your hopes? Right. One of the the things that we see is that working with us in our advanced programs, becoming a loved warrior for real, means that you actually have to get in touch with your hopes and your dreams for real, not just what you would like to have happen. You know, if it works out. See how life life goes. But you actually have to decide that you want to design the life of your dreams and you are committed to that. And then you put forth time into it because time can be measured, right? Then you put forth money into that because money can be measured and you say, Oh, no, I shouldn’t. You know, it shouldn’t be about money when it comes to love and stuff like that. Look, here’s what I want to say. Anything that is important to you takes time and money to show the evidence that it’s important. So if you’re attracting a guy who wants to be with you, which I’m going to assume means he wants to spend time with you, in other words, he wants to be intimate with you and wants to sleep with you, but he doesn’t want to claim you as your girl, as his girlfriend, and be his boyfriend. That he’s your boyfriend is because you have allowed yourself to permit that in every area of your life. You have allowed yourself to accept less than what you truly want and you have allowed yourself to be dictated to by external circumstances.

Speaker1: [00:08:06] When do you get to make your dreams come true? When everything else that’s important happens? When do you get to make what’s deep in your heart important enough that you’ll push other things aside and do that when everything else that’s important, based on what society tells you, is important? When all of that stuff is done, then you can do you and you know when that’s going to happen. Never. That’s what that’s going to happen. Never. That’s why one of the top five regrets of the dying is I wish I had lived the life that I really wanted to live instead of the life that everyone else in society told me I was supposed to live. So if you don’t have the energy and the actual measured energy of pouring into you right now, you’re simply not going to be able to attract a man who is willing to commit to you right now. Now, is that the case if you’re a 21 year old? No. If you’re 21 years old, you might get lucky and find the man of your dreams. And you may have to do nothing to have that happen. And you know what? Isn’t that awesome? God bless those people that have that happen. But that wasn’t my life. That wasn’t Lori’s life. And the truth is, that’s not your life, is it? Because you’re not 21 years old, you’ve actually lived through relationships, maybe even marriages, and you’ve seen the same thing happen again and again year after year.

Speaker1: [00:09:39] And if you think one new blog article or book or something like that, it’s going to change everything for you. There’s no evidence to suggest that the evidence is and you look back at your life, the evidence is that the way things are going are the way things are going, and that’s the way they’re going to go. Unless something dramatic changes, unless you up your commitment to yourself and your dreams, unless you decide that true love, marriage and family are actually really important to you. And this is hard. I get it because society is telling you, forget all of that. That will come at the right time. It’ll just happen organically. It’ll be like an apple falling off the tree. It’ll just fall at the right time. Even though your life shows that that is not the case because you’ve been wanting true love, marriage and family, not just this day or this week or this month or this year. You’ve been wanting that for years and it hasn’t happened. I want you to counter that to what society tells you is important. And then what do you do to show that it’s important? Your career is important, right? So what do you do to help develop your career? You go to school, right? You get a college degree, maybe even a master’s or doctorate degree.

Speaker1: [00:10:59] So what did it take for you to do that? You had to decide that this was important and then you had to put forth energy into it. Right? They don’t just give away doctorates or give away a master’s degree or give away college degrees just for talking about how nice it would be. You actually have to study and up your qualifications and you actually have to put forth money because the whole that phrase of put. Your money where your mouth is. That’s real. That’s how you know something is important to you, right? So you put forth energy into getting your degree and then you got into a you got an entry level job and you said, you know what, I don’t want to just have an entry level job. I want to have a higher level job. And then you put forth energy into that. Maybe someone just walked by your cubicle one day and said, Hey, I’d like to promote you to supervisor. Maybe you were lucky enough in that happen, but most likely you had to put forth energy into that. Maybe you had to learn about the next level job. Maybe you had to go back to school and get another certification or something like that. But you had to do something in order to move up in your career, right? Let’s say you lost your job for whatever reason. You didn’t sit at home and say. If. If, if I meant to have a job, it will come to me.

Speaker1: [00:12:22] You just didn’t do that. You got up off the couch and you put forth energy toward finding a job. And if you got a job that you didn’t like, it’s because you settled for that job. But if you wanted to say, You know what, I’m not going to accept half my pay from last time. I’m I want to be getting my same pay or more. It’s because you stayed committed to that and you did whatever it took. Go on to interviews. Fine. Go on. 20 interviews. Fine. Go on 50 interviews. Fine. Get another certification. Fine. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it’s inconvenient, even if it’s annoying, even if it’s hard. Even if I’m scared. Because you decided that that was important, right? Think about those of you that are that are parents. If your kid is in trouble and needs something, you’re not saying, well, kid, you’re in trouble. But, you know, I got this other stuff going on. I’ll see if I can get around to it. You know, maybe you’ll have to just suffer in that trouble for a while. No, you do whatever it takes for your kid because your kids are important to you because you love them that much. But you have to love you that much in order to to not attract a guy that loves you only. So-so if you love you only so-so, you’re going to attract a guy who loves you only so-so if you put forth only so-so energy into you, you’re going to attract a guy who’s going to put forth so-so energy into you.

Speaker1: [00:13:48] If you put forth so-so energy and time into you, you’re going to attract a guy who’s going to put forth so-so energy and time into you. If you attract, if you put forth so-so money into you, you’re going to attract a guy who puts forth so-so money into you. Just think about it. If a guy tells you, Babe, you’re important to me, I’m going to take you out on a date wine and dine you. Where are we going, sweetheart? We’re going to go to McDonald’s because right down by my house. Then we’re going to go back to my crib and we’re going to have some fun. How’s that sound? You’d say Damn. He’s not putting forth energy, any energy into me. And frankly, he’s not putting forth any money into me. If you allow yourself to go with that is because in your mind you don’t value yourself enough. And that has to change, not just in your mind, but indeed and sometimes your actions have to start, even if your mind hasn’t caught up yet. So you have to decide first and foremost that you are that important, that your dreams are that important, and you got to get real with yourself. You got to get real with yourself. Looking at your past and saying, look, if it’s gone this way for the last year, two years, three years, five years, ten years, the chances of things changing by a little tweak there, a little new lipstick there, a new blog article there.

Speaker1: [00:15:07] It’s not going to change things. That doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve love. It does. It means that you’re simply not qualified for the job that you’re seeking and you’re not willing to put forth the energy to get qualified for the job that you’re seeking. Right. I’m mixing metaphors here. But in other words, if you want a higher quality man, you have to be a higher quality woman in yourself. And you get to determine that because you are the relationship established her and you are the relationship navigator. A high quality, commitment minded, marriage minded man knows a woman who is a high quality, commitment minded, marriage minded woman, not by the words she says, but how she carries herself. I want you to think about how you feel about yourself when you’re dressed in your ratty t shirt, your your schlubby sweats and your flip flops or no makeup, you haven’t done your hair. How do you feel about yourself if you walk around and meet people? Now you inside are still you, right? But somehow your action of not showing up for yourself, not taking care of yourself makes you feel not good about yourself. And then counter that to get your your best shoes, heels on. You got your nice dress where you feel good, you got makeup, you got your jewelry, you did your hair, all of that stuff.

Speaker1: [00:16:32] And you walk out and you talk to people, you’re simply going to feel better about yourself, right? And it’s not that the makeup or the dress or all that type of stuff changes who you are. It changes how you feel about yourself because the evidence is right there obvious for you to see. You know what? It goes far deeper than that if you haven’t put forth the time because it takes time to do makeup, hair, all that stuff. If you haven’t put forth the money, yes, it takes money to do makeup, hair, dress, all that stuff. If you haven’t done that behind the scenes, then when you open the door and come out, it’s going to be obvious. And so the level of guy that you’re attracting right now shows what you’re doing behind the scenes, what you’re doing at home. One of the reasons why when women work with us, their business goes up, their salary goes up. The money that they make goes up is because when you take care of yourself at a higher level, you value yourself more. Not just because you’re saying I value myself I’m a high value woman, but because the evidence is that you have done that and you’re willing to put forth time, energy and money into you. And so you carry yourself differently. You carry yourself as if you are made up, put together, taking care of everywhere you go because you have poured energy into you in private so that then that energy can show up in public.

Speaker1: [00:18:02] Right. So I hope that makes sense to you. And if you if you’re getting if what you’re getting from this is that it’s about the packaging, you’re missing the point. It’s about what’s in the packaging. But you have to decide that what’s in the packaging is so important that you’re going to devote time and energy to it and you’re going to start to learn. Why is it that you have these blind spots? Why is it that you have no idea why you’re not attracting a high, higher quality men? You have to start with that idea of it’s not just that men are knuckleheads. Of course there are knucklehead men out there. But why are you in a relationship with that knucklehead? Of course there are men that are commitment phobes, but why are you attracting commitment phobes and why are you spending time with them and letting them spend time with you? That is the underneath stuff that that women that work with us finally get a handle on and break through once and for all. So they never go back to that. So the the idea the second question was, how do I clearly state what I’m looking for without being needy or like asking that question of, are we exclusive? Here’s the thing. If you have to take some water. If you have a clear decision making framework, if you are solid in the in the the not only the understanding of but the expression of that you are the relationship established her and you are the relationship navigator and you have a clear decision making framework within which to decide who to spend time with.

Speaker1: [00:19:38] You literally never have that feeling. But if you are in the feeling of I don’t know if I’m pouring energy into myself, I don’t value myself. I’m not fully committed to myself and and not because of your words, but your actions show that you are low on the priority list. Your dreams and desires are low on your priority list. After everyone and everything else gets taken care of, the society is telling you to take care of. Then when you when all that other important stuff is done, then you’ll get around to you. When you walk in like that, you’re going to attract someone like that, and then you’re in there in that unsteady feeling of Are we exclusive and minus girlfriend? What are we doing? What’s happening? Where is this relationship going? All that is, is evidence that you didn’t establish the relationship, right? You’re not walking in as a high value woman. He doesn’t see you as a high value woman. He doesn’t see you as the prize. And there is no way to have a relationship that is established like that with a person who is you have attracted like that. You have attracted a level five out of 5 to 10, right? Ten being your most awesome soulmate that you want.

Speaker1: [00:20:57] You have attracted a level five person because you are showing up as a level five person and then you’re saying, How can I have a conversation? As if. I was a level ten and he was a level ten. And the truth is, that’s not how it works. You don’t just snap your fingers and magically go from commitment. You know where he guy to. I’m committed, you know, I know that there’s like texture x back and all these little ebooks you can get out there about that. That shit is bullshit. The man who is a high quality, commitment minded man who’s looking for a woman to build a life with isn’t attracted to the woman who will allow herself to get into a situation with a man where she says, What’s what’s happening here? Are we exclusive or are we not? Stuff like that. He wouldn’t be attracted to her because he’s thinking something else now. Would he be attracted to her to sleep with? Absolutely. Absolutely. Because if you’re going to let a man sleep with you. Where you have no idea where things are going. You have no idea, really. You don’t have a clear decision making framework. You don’t even know if you guys are both going in the same direction. Will you sleep with you? Definitely. But men put you in one of two categories. A woman who I might be able to build a life with, or a woman who, you know, will be fun to be with for a while.

Speaker1: [00:22:24] And it’s very, very difficult to go from that category to that category. In other words, it’s very difficult to go from the woman who would like to spend some time with, have some fun with, rolling hay with and move into the woman I want to spend. You know, I might want to build my life with very, very difficult, extremely rare. I don’t want to say absolutes, but I would say that pretty much never happens. You walk in with as who you are and that’s who you are. That’s it. All right. So it does happen, but it’s extremely rare. And what you can do to see about the likelihood of it happening for you is look at how many relationships have you had where you’ve walked in going, let’s see where this goes and then see where it ended up. Didn’t end up where you want it, right? Right. You have a lot more experience of that because you establish a relationship from the start as I’m not the prize here, you’re kind of the prize. So I’m going to see what you want to do and we’ll see where this goes. And I hope that I get lucky. And you pick me. A high quality, commitment minded man doesn’t even want to build a life with a woman who sees herself that way. He has no interest in doing that. This is why you have a situation where you’re like, The guy was great.

Speaker1: [00:23:45] He said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. And then I you know, we break up because I was just like, Oh, I’m over this guy. And then eight months later, I see he’s engaged to someone. Yeah, he’s engaged to someone. He’s engaged to someone who he really wanted to be with while he was just spending time with you. That doesn’t mean you don’t. You couldn’t have love, but you have to know how to walk in and establish that you are the prize and is not going to be from you putting a new makeup on or saying certain words. It’s about the energy with which you walk in. One of the reasons why women that work with us start to see every relationship in their life transform is because they uplifted their value in their own eyes, and then everyone else can feel that and see that. So the question of are we exclusive? And that kind of thing reveals a problem but is not a problem with the man, and it’s not a problem with learning how to say a certain line. The problem that it reveals is that you have no idea how to be a a powerful relationship. Establish her and navigator. It it reveals that you don’t know how to be magnetic and be in your feminine magnetic power. Be in that what we call feminine radiance and courage. The courage to go for your dreams, that feminine radiance to attract in a man who wants to help make your dreams come true.

Speaker1: [00:25:15] That’s what that reveals. Now, if you think the problem is the words, you’ll you’ll keep chasing the right words. You’ll get more books, you’ll read more articles. You’ll say, If I can say it this way, in that way, and I’ll tell you what happens. Even if somehow, by some measure, you trick the guy, manipulate the guy into committing to you. You have established that you are basically his coach, his like his his helper, his fixer. And you are going to be exhausted for the rest of your life because you’re constantly going to be trying to coax him and move him and and clean up after him and fix after him. Because you have established that he is the prize, not you. So your job is to help keep him happy instead of the more natural, masculine, feminine dynamic where he lives to make you happy. That’s the relationship that Laura and I have. That’s the relationship that our lovers have, is that the man lives to make you happy. And that’s a more healthy, masculine, feminine dynamic. And then your job is to to ground in even more into your feminine magnetism and feminine radiance. And that helps keep the relationship getting better and better instead of what most people have, which is the relationship goes down over time. By the way, if you joined us late and you want to ask a question, type it in the comments, and if you’re watching on replay, go ahead and type in their replay.

Speaker1: [00:26:37] Let me know where you’re watching from and if you have any questions about it, post them up in here as well. So third question, what is magnetic about a woman to a man? And it is self love, self worth a woman who values herself and knows that she is the prize. If you don’t know that you are the prize, not from an intellectual standpoint, but feeling it, feeling that confidence to be able to talk to any guy and feel not from an arrogant point place, but from a self love and self worth place that you are the prize. And then a man having time with you is actually he’s fortunate. He’s lucky to have time with you. If you don’t feel like that, then you may intellectually know that you’re the prize, but in reality you’re not broadcasting that at all. You’re broadcasting I’m not the prize. I hope some guy fix picks me and you’re going to keep attracting guys that maybe they’ll pick you, maybe they won’t. But if they pick you, it’s just to spend some time with. It’s not to build a life with. If you want to turn things around, we invite you to explore. If you’re a fit to work with us, you can go to Johnny Larcom Forward slash apply apply to get on the phone with with Lauren. See what yeah. What’s possible for you, whether you’re really ready to really transform your life.

Speaker1: [00:27:54] Because one thing is, I know for sure, a year from now, God willing, you and I will be a year older. The question is, will you be going in the direction that you want to go in your life? Will you be a year from now? Will you be in a relationship with someone who has no problem claiming you as his girlfriend is grateful to say that he’s your boyfriend who you’ve known from minute one. You’ve known where you’re going. You feel you’re you’re on solid ground. You feel safe with him. You feel excited to be with him, but not like you’re so lucky to get him. But more importantly, he’s so lucky to get you. And that is established. And it’s a healthy, masculine, feminine dynamic. If you want to have a healthy, masculine, feminine dynamic, live in your feminine radiance and effortlessly draw in a high quality man. You might want to change the way you’re going about things. If you want to see if we’re a fit to help you with that, go to Johnny and Laura dot com forward slash apply and I’m happy to Laura’s happy to Laura one of our coaches happy to have a conversation with you about what’s possible for you. But it’s really only for you if you’re serious about changing your life. If you’re a single professional woman between about 25 and 55 and you’re serious about changing your life, you want true love, marriage and family, and you don’t want to settle for just another, you know, ho hum boyfriend and stuff like that.

Speaker1: [00:29:16] Probably time to pick up the go in there and book a call. And here’s what I want to say. When you book a call, you’ve got to fill out a a a form that will help Laura or coach get get prepared for your call. So don’t book a call if you’re not going to take 2 minutes to fill out the form to let us know a little bit about you and see whether we can help you or or not. Right. And just be able to make the call more valuable. You’re a busy woman. You know, our coaches, Laura’s busy, busy women, stuff like that. So. All right. So I hope that was helpful for those those three questions. And yeah, looking forward to helping you out here. Bye for now. Hey, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. And if you did enjoy it, please leave us a review on whatever your favorite podcast platform is. Reviews. Let other women know that we exist, and it’s a little bit of like a paying it forward thing. So if you’re enjoying it, getting a lot out of it, learning that, we’d love to hear from you in a review. And we have tons of five star reviews. We’d love to have your. Five Star review or whatever your honest review is. Thanks so much for listening to single. Awesome.

Episode Transcription End —>

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.