Online dating can be very tricky if you don’t know what you are doing. It’s hard, we know, however you can definitely find a quality man that way.

In this episode we talked about:

– The truths of online dating

– How you can attract a high-quality man

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Episode Transcription Start —>

S5EP23

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams. Well, hello. Hello again. And today we’re going to be talking about on this episode, we’re going to be talking about men. So welcome, welcome, welcome. I’m glad that you’re here. And I’m just so happy to find a man to talk to you about men. Okay, all jokes aside, we’re going to talking about men answering your questions. I have some a couple of questions here about men. And I think they’re going to be they’re short questions with long answers, which is kind of common for for us. So, anyway, I’m glad that you’re that you’re here. And let’s look at what’s going on in your in your love life. Hey, Colina. All right? What’s going on in your love life and how you can change that? Or in this case, she’s already a love warrior with her fiancee. Just how you can enhance that, right? Make it better. All right. So Christine left a question. Why is it so hard to find a good man? I’m tired of fixing men and then they leave me. So let’s talk about that. By the way, you’re here live. Please say hello in the comments there. And if you don’t hear me acknowledge after a few moments, it means that you’re commenting somehow in a different place.

Speaker1: [00:01:46] And I’m not seeing it. I don’t really know how that works. But wherever Kaleena commented, your your comments should show up right underneath hers because I could see Kaitlyn’s right on. So why is it so hard to find a good man? So let’s I’m going to get macro and then micro. So macro so in when you think about like your your mother or your grandmother, right? Your, your parents or grandparents, stuff like that. The first thing is that there are standards for what it took to be in a relationship was simply lower. Hey, Consuelo, we’re simply lower. Maybe lower is is like, judgmental. It was different, you know, someone had a job, someone looked cute. They went to the right school or church or their family knows them. You know, they don’t have TB. I mean, now the standards were just different and kind of lower, you know. Tb That’s crazy, right? But and so what you’re just think about what your mother or grandparents was your grandmother was looking for in a husband and in a relationship. Right. If the standards were I mean, looking at it from our modern like today standpoint, standards were probably lower. So that’s one reason why it’s harder to find a good man, because your standards are higher. Now, this is not anything about saying, Oh, you should go back to lower standards. In fact, you should have high standards. And we work with women who have high standards and we help them to meet those high standards.

Speaker1: [00:03:28] But having high standards means that you’re filtering out people that maybe your grandparents would have been like good enough, you know? And so that’s that’s one reason. The other thing is that because of higher standards that you have as a woman, men have higher standards as well. Right. Because it’s kind of like. Anything. I’m just going to pick up a pen. Right. So you see this pen? It’s like a fat pen. Makes it a little bit more comfortable in your hands. Well, maybe a whole bunch of. Maybe a bunch of years ago, they didn’t know that having a skinny pen would, like, hurt your hands and stuff like that. And so, but now people know, so you can get a regular pen or you can get a fat pen that’s like a little bit more comfortable in your hands. So as as modern life emerges, we start to realize things that work well for us, things that work less well for us. And so as a society, all of our standards are higher. So men have higher standards, just as you have higher standards. So someone who’s emotionally unstable, emotionally not that mature, you know, these things, guys don’t go for that the way they might have gone for it before because, you know, she’s cute. She’s from the neighborhood. My parents think she’s good. All right, fine. You know, that kind of thing.

Speaker1: [00:04:53] The idea of of wanting to enhance one another’s life and one another’s progress in a in their evolution as an individual, as a spiritual being in their career. These things were really not so much on people’s radars as things to consider. And so the thing is that not everybody is rising to the standards of what they expect. Right. 100 years ago, they didn’t have TV to to see. Oh, wow. There’s a whole other thing possible I could travel the world. I mean, they knew they could travel the world, but it wasn’t as obvious as now. Right. And so now you have ideas about what it is you want in a relationship, some that are coming from yourself, but some that are simply coming from society, good or bad. And so let’s talk about that. So what are the things that are bad in society and why would that affect why? It’s hard to find a good man. I’m not going to get political here, but I am going to just talk about certain facts. There are more women in most colleges now getting college degrees than men. Real wages are for men especially are flat or declining in most areas. And so what does that mean? There are less men that are college educated like you, that are rising in their careers than there were 20, 30, 50, 70 years ago. And so what that means is that the men now I’m not saying that you’re just looking for a man with a career or money or things like that.

Speaker1: [00:06:39] But you know what? Those things actually matter. And the truth is, it matters more to you than it does to him. He doesn’t really care about those things as much as you do. He kind of cares because he doesn’t want you to kind of like be a freeloader. But it doesn’t give you a fee. It doesn’t give him a feeling of, Oh, this is a woman. I can build a life if those factors actually don’t come in. Whereas if you had a guy with a great guy that you love with a job and a career and stuff like that, versus another guy who’s a nice guy, but. Facebook messenger. Things pop up. Nice guy, but no job, no career. Just kind of like, you know, piecing something together to get by. It’s just natural to think, you know what? If both things are equal, I think I go with the guy who has a career. He’s going to be a better partner in life. He’s going to be a better provider, that kind of stuff. Right? And so when there’s less men that are in that position, it is harder to find someone. Hey, Chris. So, yeah, two days in a row, you’re on a roll. Right on. So and then you look at the fact that you may have already seen this in your life.

Speaker1: [00:07:55] There are so many more men nowadays that are narcissists. There are so many more men nowadays that are like men by age, but they’re kind of like grown boys. Now, that has something to do with poor parenting, and I’m not really going to get into that. But it also has to do with expectations for men in society. And so you’ve got these guys that are looking for a woman, but they’re kind of like looking for maybe a mama, somebody to take care of them, that kind of thing. And so you see how your pool of men is is less right. And then you have some men that have just checked out of the whole process entirely. They’re addicted to game games, like video games or porn, or they can get, you know, stuff like that. So you have some of that. And then you have the fact that because of so much free, cheap and easy, I’m just going to say it free, cheap and easy, women. You have some guys that are like free, cheap and easy. I’ll take that. Fine. And so if you don’t treat yourself like a high value woman and invest in yourself and believe that you are worth it, then you’re going to be among the masses of the free, cheap and easy, and the free, cheap and easy women are abundant. And so you’re going to peel away some guys that are just going to go for free, cheap and easy.

Speaker1: [00:09:25] And why would they why would these this bunch of guys, why would they want to be with a woman and be married when they can have free, cheap and easy sex and stuff like that? From, you know, from a woman who doesn’t see herself as a prize, isn’t willing to invest in herself, doesn’t see yourself as special, doesn’t see that her voice matters, doesn’t see that her hopes and dreams matters, doesn’t believe that what’s inside of her is more important than what’s outside of her. So. So you see how the pool of men is getting getting less and less because you’ve got guys peeling off because they’ve just totally checked out or because they’re simply not qualified to be the be with a woman like you. And then you have a shrinking pool of men that are masculine because you’ve got a lot of men that are like flowy, you know, and they’re like gender neutral and they’re kind of flowy. And it doesn’t, like, inspire you. It’s not hot for women who really wants to be with a man. Having a guy who’s very gender neutral and kind of doesn’t, like, stand up like a man. It’s just not that appealing. So. Right. Amen. Killing it, saying cleaner’s got herself a man. Tm And, and so when you look at that, it’s not your imagination that it’s harder to find good men.

Speaker1: [00:10:54] It’s just a reality. It’s just facts, numbers, socio like social studies of what’s going on. Now you rise that up with women that have lost touch with their identity. And so there are women you might have been one of them. You may still be one of them that are actually driving away good men because they really don’t know how to be feminine, because they associate being feminine with being like weak and a doormat. And so they don’t know you’re either weak and a doormat or you’re kind of like a ball busting. You know what? Right. And neither one of those are what being feminine is all about. And so there are some men that are just beaten back or beaten down. And so, again, pool of men shrinking. It’s not your imagination. Now, here’s the question what to do about that. I’ll tell you what most women do when they see that the pool of of high quality men is shrinking, and they see that there’s men that are addicted to porn or gaming or whatever, and they’ve kind of like checked out. They’ve got men that are man boys. You got men that are flow boys. And you go. Fuck or where’s the good men? You know what? Their answer to what to do about that is complain. Complain about that now. If you were like an international magnate and you can change the economy so that the real wages of men starts going up and they can feel better about themselves and feel success and stuff like that.

Speaker1: [00:12:36] Great. But you know what? I’m not that near you. The reality is, there is a shrinking pool of great men. And I’ll tell you one thing that doesn’t work to change things about that scenario for you. Complaining about it. Is it complaining about it doesn’t work. That is most women’s strategy about it. Where have all the good men gone? What’s wrong with men? What the heck? He just wanted me to. To. To be his mama. And you know what? He got that idea from you because you’re. The relationship established her, and you’re the relationship navigator, and you didn’t know anything but that. And you thought you were competing with the free, cheap and easy women. And you didn’t separate yourself because complaining about it and citing what the problem is doesn’t change the reality that those high quality men are looking for women that are at that level. And if you tell me you’re at that level, then the reality is your feedback needs to reflect that. So if you say I am all that and a bag of chips, right? I’m a catch, I’m this, I’m that. And I keep going out with these losers. What’s wrong with these losers? Then the feedback and I say this with all love and compassion, and with all due respect, the feedback is. Gain all that. You don’t really know how to attract a high quality man and be in a relationship with them.

Speaker1: [00:14:23] Your self. Love is probably a veneer of self love and and the confidence to talk to a man that you really want to go with, you really want to be with, needs to be there. If not the self love, the self esteem, the self confidence is simply not where it needs to be. It’s simply not your understanding of how men tick, how quality romantic. You probably know all about how schmuck goes tick. You probably know all about what knuckleheads do. But do you really know how high quality men think what what actually they respond to and how to draw that out? To take the man who either is a high quality man from jump and inspire him, attract him to be with you right now, or the man who’s a good man but kind of could go either way. A lot of women, they get a good man who could go either way. But because they don’t know how to be the good woman to that good man, they push him to being a the less version of himself instead of the better version of himself. And I’m not saying that the same thing doesn’t happen with men. Right? That meaning that they could take you who are good woman and take you to the worst version of yourself. But when you go back to you, are the relationship established and you are the relationship navigator we look at who are you establishing a relationship with? Who are you establishing a relationship with? And this is where it goes to your picker.

Speaker1: [00:15:56] If you don’t know Flo, boys, just like guys that are like, I don’t know, kind of airy fairy, gender neutral guys are not like a man that makes you feel safe, that you feel like you can count on in good times and bad, who’s just fine devoting his life to making you happy. But he’s not diminishing himself. He’s not your servant boy, errand boy. He’s a man who wants to protect, provide, make you feel safe and make you feel loved, cherished and adored. That’s a man flow boy is just. I don’t know. Not that right. I mean, I do know, but I’m not going to spend a lot more time on it. It’s just what it sounds like, kind of like flowy, you know? So where was I? So we’re talking about your picture. If you don’t know how to discern how to differentiate between the the the the ma’am boys, the flo boys and a man. If you don’t know the difference between a guy who’s going to be ghosting you in a few weeks or months and a guy who’s in it for the long haul, then your picture is either broken or nonexistent. Most women nowadays have a nonexistent picture. They go with the common things of of chemistry and common interests and and the calendar.

Speaker1: [00:17:24] Maybe add in one finding of cute. You know, if you don’t know how to discern that, you don’t have a picture. So it doesn’t really matter whether you got a high quality man in front of you or a schmo in front of you, you’re not going to make it be able to tell the difference. And the way that, you know, if your picture is broken is are you picking better and better and better and better quality men? Or do you find yourself having a date or relationship with guys? You’re like, What the fuck? This is like the same guy as the last guy, right? Or He goes to you and you’re like, It came out of the blue. I have no idea why what happened. It means you have no idea how to establish a relationship. You have no idea how to pick because those guys gave big, big, huge red flags. You just miss them and you’re going to say, oh, no, he didn’t give a red flag. He did. You just missed it. You missed it or you ignored yourself. You ignored your intuition, or you’re so numb to the reality of how you feel that you didn’t even you weren’t even able to get in touch with your intuition. And so we’re still talking about where all the good men because the good men are out there. But it’s not your imagination that there are less of them.

Speaker1: [00:18:46] So what most women do is they complain about the situation, they describe the situation, and they bitch and moan and complain to their friends about the situation. And I’ll tell you what that does to change your destiny. Nothing. It doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t change anything. So if you were I want you to think about now. Take relationships out. Right. Let’s say you wanted to get into a high quality school. Harvard. Stanford. Yale. Georgetown. And it was harder to get into that school than your local community college and the local community college has. The professor that walks in there, I don’t know, smoking, drinking. I’m not dishing on community college. I’m just making a point here giving you an illustration. And the classes are pretty lame. The campus is pretty lame. The the information is outdated. But you have your sights set on Georgetown or Stanford or Harvard or Yale. So is complaining about how bad the community college is going to help, you know, even though the community college is cheaper. Easier to get to. Right. And there’s more of them. But you have your heart set on one of these few schools Harvard, Yale, Georgetown or Stanford, one of those four. That’s where you want to go. In other words, you want a high quality education. You want a high quality experience. What would you do? To make sure that you were not going to having the community college as your only choice.

Speaker1: [00:20:44] And you did have a choice of getting into Harvard. Yale, where is a Stanford or Georgetown? You would prepare for what it is that you wanted. You would know that it’s harder to get into that higher echelon experience. And so you would prepare yourself for that. Now let’s say that you’ve got that awareness. Okay. I don’t want to go to community college. I want to go to Harvard, Yale, Georgetown or Stanford. And I’m not going to settle. And you’d have friends that say, Oh, awesome, that’s great. What are you going to do to prepare? I’m going to I’m going to buy a book. And I’m going to read the shit out of that book. Okay. What else? I might buy two books. I might buy five books. And then someone says, Well, I have a course over here called How to Get Into Your Ivy League School of Your Dreams. Oh. Well, is that is that expensive? Yeah, actually, it is. Well. Does it work? Yeah, it works. Is it easy? No, it’s actually a hard course. Huh? So it’s not cheap and it’s not easy. Do they have a free version? Not. It’s not free. Hmm. I don’t know if I really want to do that. I think I’m just going to stick with the book. Plus, there’s some free blog articles about how to get into Harvard. I think that’s my plan now.

Speaker1: [00:22:33] Is it possible that you can get into Harvard by that? Absolutely. But you got to know one thing. There are a ton of people that are taking every course, every program, every preparation that they can. And you are competing with them to get into Harvard. You can be mad at that or you can be one of the people that gets into Harvard. Now, if someone has some something against them that like that would hold them back to getting into Harvard. They can say, Well, I couldn’t get in because I had this thing against me. Or they could prepare twice as hard. That was my scenario. I wanted to get into law school. I wasn’t a stellar college student, so I had a ACL set. I had to get a top grade on the LSAT in order to get into law school. So did I complain about, Oh, I come from a poor background and then I had this mediocre college experience. No, I busted my ass in the prep course about how to rock the LSAT, and I did. Was it easy? No, it was extremely difficult. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done in an academic sense, until I prepped for the bar exam and and pass that in two states. But it was hard to do. If it was easy, they’d be throwing out Harvard degrees like like chiplets, you know, but they’re not. And so you have to look at how you preparing for what you want.

Speaker1: [00:24:10] The landscape is the landscape. There’s less good men. It’s not your imagination. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to prepare with a free, cheap and easy approach? Like, I’m going to read all the blog articles I can about this? Or Are you going to level that? That’s I mean, that’s where where people like us come along. Right. And honestly, if you look out there, they nobody like us. You’re not going to find another couple. We’re going to learn from the husband and wife together. The woman actually used what she teaches to attract a man. Now they both teach and we have educational experience. I have educational experience. So I actually spell out a curriculum for how exactly Laura did how other women did it, how Collina can do it, all that stuff. So but the idea is, if you’re looking to combat the situation that you see, you see that there’s less good men around. It’s not your imagination. If you combat that with, I’m going to complain, I’m going to moan, I’m going to yell at the TV or yell at guys or whatever. It’s the same as saying, I’m only qualified to go to community college, but I really want to get into Harvard, Yale, Stanford or Georgetown. And my plan to get in there is to bitch and moan about the community college and how bad it is.

Speaker1: [00:25:34] It’s not a good plan. It’s just not, you know? And you know what? Here’s the thing. The experience of Georgetown versus a community college. Nobody’s wrong for going to a community college and nobody’s wrong for going to Stanford. It’s just, what do you want? The person who goes to community college is not a worse person. The person who goes to Stanford is not a better person. It’s just, what do you want? Right. Like, it’s not like God says, okay, God, Spirit, the universe, whatever. It’s not like God says, like this person is more worthy. So that person, I’m going to prepare them to go to Harvard. This person is less worthy. So that person, I’m going to prepare them to go to community college. We believe that everyone is worthy of what’s in what’s the desire of their heart. Even the word desire means of the Father of God, of spirit, like it’s your higher power. Put that desire in your heart. So if you want to go to Harvard now, it’s up to you to prepare for it. If you want to. Like I was a kid, I wanted to be a New York Yankee baseball player. I just didn’t prepare for it. I wanted it. I wish for it. I had posters of it. I dreamt about it. I even went to Yankee Stadium and imagined myself. You know, I did a vision board before there was vision boards.

Speaker1: [00:27:04] You know, I visualized before I knew what visualizing was, but I didn’t really put in the work. So I never became a New York Yankee. But when it came to getting into law school, I knew that I had disadvantages. So I had to work extra hard. I did everything I could in order to overcome those advantages because I wanted to do that right. And that’s really what the thing is, is that it’s not your imagination that is harder to find good men. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to prepare and do whatever it takes to get what it is you want? Or are you going to basically just spend your time complaining about and describing the situation that you’re not loving? Right. So and you said Christine has a long answer for a short question. Right. Christine said, I’m tired of fixing men and then they leave me. There’s a saying in our community and that is that love words don’t do fixer uppers. So if you’re doing if you’re you’re picking fixer uppers, that goes back to your picker, right? You’re picking why are you picking them? It’s because you probably don’t have any decision making framework. You have no idea that you even have a picker. You don’t know how to upgrade your picker, stuff like that. All right. So don’t fix. Pick your uppers, fixer uppers, and then you won’t need to fix them up and then have them leave you.

Speaker1: [00:28:28] All right. Okay, one more question here and then I’ll take any if you’re here and you have questions, go ahead and type it in there. What online dating sites are safe to meet men? So this is a great question because it’s a very common question. We hear it all the time. We see it in email, we see it post on Facebook. We see people they’re not posting in this group. There’s posting on their wall like, Hey, ladies, what’s a good website to meet men? And I’m going to tell you what’s a good website to meet you meet men, Match.com, hinge, bumble coffee meets, bagel, Tinder, niche sites, all of that. Those are all great places to meet men. They’re also terrible places to meet men. What’s the difference? You more specifically, I’m going to tell you five, five elements of what is the difference, because we’ve had clients meet their sweethearts on all of those sites that I just mentioned. Right. The difference, number one out of the five things that makes the difference is you, your confidence, your self, love, your knowingness, and walking with the knowledge that you are the prize. If you’re not confident enough to speak to a man that you really want to be with, you’re going to unconsciously be inviting in guys that are lower standard guys, and you’re going to be repelling the guys that are that are higher quality guys that you actually really do want to be with.

Speaker1: [00:30:03] Because no man wants to be with a woman who doesn’t feel like she’s worthy of being with him. He just doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to be with a woman who doesn’t feel worthy of being with him, you know, who wants to be with a woman like that, an unhealthy man that you really don’t want to be with. All right. So a man who is a a self confident man wants to be with a woman who’s self confident. And I don’t mean an extrovert. You don’t have to be that you’d be with whoever you are. I’m going to do an episode soon about introverts and how introverts can have can find true love. And this idea that you have to somehow be an extrovert is is all backwards. But anyway, it can be introvert. Extrovert, it doesn’t really matter. But but your confidence in yourself and self love and self esteem, by the way, self esteem comes from doing estimable acts, meaning that you do things that someone who has high, high self esteem does. So like Carlina invested in working with us, that’s what a woman who has high self esteem does because she thinks that she’s worth it. And so then she matches with a guy who’s like, This woman is awesome. She’s a high value woman. And so that’s why she’s engaged to to her fiance now.

Speaker1: [00:31:20] So, Consuela, I don’t think I have a good picker. Yeah, I mean, that’s that’s a reality that that a lot of women do. That’s why they come to us. We give you a clear decision making framework, just straight up, fix your picker once and for all and move on from from there. So that’s one of the five, right, of what online dating sites are safe to meet men, all of them and none of them. So first element, though, that really makes a difference is you. Second element is your understanding of and your appreciation of and your attention to men. Like if you don’t understand men and the difference between high quality men and and tomorrow’s knuckleheads and you don’t know how to discern them and you don’t you’re not familiar with how high quality men think. One of the things that women say in our programs that they really appreciate is that they can ask me questions a lot about all kinds of scenarios in their life. And I can tell them, look, I know that the guy said that, but let me tell you how a high quality, emotionally mature man thinks and how we think. So like when I look at I’m going to put one here, this is Ashley, a client of ours, and that’s her husband, Courtney, who’s a happens to be a lawyer. That’s why I picked up that particular picture. Happens to be a lawyer.

Speaker1: [00:33:00] Not that all lawyers are good guys. Some of them are not. But you know what? That’s about every profession, right? But how does a high quality, commitment minded man think if you don’t know that, if you don’t have an appreciation for and an understanding of men and the different types of of men and the different kind of like levels, then that is going to be a huge a huge issue, whether this online dating site or that online dating site works for you. Third is your online dating site profile. Laura and I’ve been doing online dating profile makeovers for our clients for 15 years, and I can tell you that more than 90% of the profiles that we see before they start working with us and the ones that we see when we do our research, they are. I don’t have a technical term, but they’re horrible. They’re just bad online dating profiles, some of them professionally written by people that are spend thousands of dollars to have them professionally write them. And but most of the online dating profiles that we see are terrible. And I want you to think about that masculine feminine dynamic. So the woman is the drawing in power, the magnetizing power. So what you are putting out there is what is what is magnetizing in and what most women are doing is they’re broadcasting their insecurities, they’re broadcasting that they have no decision making framework at all.

Speaker1: [00:34:40] So they put tells in their online profile that says, I have no idea how to pick men, so I’m going to put these things in there and to to basically try to help save me from myself. And, you know what they are? They’re like a dog whistle to the to the unhealthy whacked in the head guys. And they say her go with her because she doesn’t understand men. She doesn’t even have a picker or her picker is broken and she’s broadcasting her insecurities. This is a woman who feels unworthy. That’s the one you should go for. And the high quality men just keep moving. So your online profile is a big thing, but of course your online profile. Remember how I said we’ve seen profiles from clients who hired someone with them thousands of dollars to write a profile. They do an interview with them. Let me interview you, ask you all these questions, then I’m going to write this really snazzy profile and it fucking stunk. You know who it stunk for? That particular woman. Did it sound good? Absolutely. You know what’s going to happen with a profile that’s written that’s to be all snazzy and by professional and stuff like that. You’re going to still be stuck with the guy sitting in front of you at some point. And then you don’t have your your snazzy writer to say fancy things that are not really you, you know.

Speaker1: [00:36:09] So anyway, the online profile that the online profile makeover process is is long and involved and stuff like that. But the bottom line is every client that walks in, which is just take whatever you had before and just literally throw it away because the pictures you choose or don’t choose the things you say or don’t say, all of that stuff has so much to do and it’s broadcasting signals that sometimes people don’t even get. But there are conscious signals by words, but there’s also unconscious signals that are sent by the words and the what is not being said and what is between the words and that’s being picked up on. The fourth thing is your pre and post your pre and post online meeting process. So we call online in our community, we call online dating really online meeting because you’re not actually dating online, right? You’re online meeting, you’re meeting them online and then you’re going offline at some point. Right, and going in real life. So it’s not really an online dating. I understand the terms that we use the term, but it’s online meeting. So do you have a pre and post online meeting preparation? And if you don’t, you’re just you’re flying blind. You’re just your energy is all off. You’re not setting your energy. You’re not setting your mind set. You’re not setting the terms of this meeting session. And it’s just all all whopper God, it’s going to be very random.

Speaker1: [00:37:46] It’s going to be very scattershot. We teach a pre and post process for online meeting because you need that. So, so and then the fifth is your picker, right? So if you don’t have a picker, you’re so afraid that you’re going to pick the wrong guy, that you broadcast things that send away good guys, bring in other guys, and make you feel nervous throughout the whole process because you’re not sure if you’re going to get talked into something, if you’re going to be taking advantage of all of that stuff. And so without a picker, without a solid fixed picker, it’s always going to be an issue. So all of the online dating sites are good and not good at the same time. Some of them are worse than than others. But we teach our clients the best two sites for them, and it’s a whole process that we get into, but we teach them the best two sites for them, and then we show them how to prepare for them looking at all of those things. So. The What dating sites are safe to meet men reveals that those things are missing because you’re thinking it’s about the site. Like Tinder. Tinder is pretty much like a hookup site, right? But we had well, we only had one in all this time, but we had one client who met someone on on Tinder. But what’s most like? We don’t recommend Tinder.

Speaker1: [00:39:19] This is when it first came out. And before we we. Anyway, now we just straight up don’t recommend it. But we still have clients choose to do it for various reasons and we teach them how to do that because it’s not about the site, it’s just not about the site. But as long as you think about the site, what happens is you’re you’re not looking at where the one thing you can control because you can’t control that there are knuckleheads on the site, there are catfish or there’s scammers. There’s scammers on every single solitary site. Question is, can you spot them? Right. And if you’re focusing on spotting them, you’re missing the good guys. But do you have a filtering process for that? This is what we teach our clients. So, again, great question from Elita and Stephanie, who said where, where are they? But like I said, it reveals what’s underneath and I’m always going to be addressing what’s really underneath because that’s going to be a lot more helpful than just the site is good. That site is bad because if you’re not prepared, it doesn’t matter. You’ll find the knuckleheads on the good side, you’ll find all that type of stuff. So. All right. I hope that was helpful. Let’s see, what about a man helping a woman while she does the inner work? For example, she mentions how she hurt her nieces. His response to her was to first stop hating yourself, second, apologize to them, and third, show them what they mean to you.

Speaker1: [00:40:52] I don’t I don’t really understand. What about a man helping a woman while she does the inner work? I don’t really understand what that what that means. Our focus is on pick the right person. And here’s the thing. Every relationship is going to take energy and effort. What most people do is try to figure out how to put as little energy and effort in up front, and then they end up expending a ton of energy and effort throughout the life of their relationship, whether it be two, three months to three years, ten years or a lifetime. They spend more energy on that, and our focus is always on pick the right person. And then the amount of energy and effort you have to put in dealing with things later is far less so. And if you’re if you are kind of doing the inner work and you’re directing that process. You’re using your own best thinking to help yourself, which is great. But at some point, if you want to get into Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Georgetown, you’re probably going to want to have an some expert guidance, because the truth is, it’s harder to get in to a higher quality experience. And it’s higher it’s harder to get into a relationship with a higher quality man. And if it were possible to be D.I.Y., there wouldn’t be tons of teaching classes, courses and programs teaching you how to get in and coaches and stuff, teaching you how to get into those high quality educational institutions.

Speaker1: [00:42:34] Everybody would just be doing it. And the same thing with with love coaching because of the things that I talked about and some other things I didn’t talk about, just the just the epidemic of women who like have no idea about the power that they have, the discernment that they need, the picker that they need to have, what’s called a decision making framework. It’s just like the standards are higher, the pool is lower, the skills are worse than ever. That’s why love coaches have gone from a fringe thing for people that are a mess to what smart people do, what smart people do to get the relationship that they want. I’m a big sports fan. Some people think, well, athletes have all these coaches that help them because they’re out there, they’re professional athletes and they have the money know they became professional athletes because they got coaching and help and guidance from a from as early as possible because you you can’t see like, you know, you can’t see the. See this mug right here? You can’t see what’s outside of the mug when you’re inside of it. So you’re inside of your life. You can’t see the labels that you’re you’re putting out there. You can’t see the towels that you’re giving off because you’re inside your life.

Speaker1: [00:44:03] You’re inside yourself. You’re inside your head. And what what professional athletes, those that want people that want to get into an Ivy League school, people that want to succeed at a high level do is they get help with, hey, what what do I need to do to excel beyond what I can do? So I hope that makes sense that in quite anyway, I hope I answer your question. Robin. I’m not quite sure I understood it, but you don’t want to be like coaching and fixing each other, that’s for sure. You can be helping each other. You don’t want to be in a place of coaching, fixing, trying to save each other, that kind of thing. So kind of like the blind leading the blind, which is a common thing, right? You’ve got friends who are just like, What should I do to find a good man? Like, Well, I’ll tell you what to do. Oh, really? Where’d you find your good man? Oh, I’m not with anyone. I just. I read this in a blog or I saw I listen to this on a podcast or something like that. So it’s well-meaning, but it’s often just skill level, professionalism level, not really what’s going to make the difference anyway. If you want to talk to a professional, see what’s going on in your life and what can be done to change the situation, go to Johnny and Laura dot com forward slash apply.

Speaker1: [00:45:19] Get on the phone with Laura or one of our coaches and see if you can be one of the people that find the good men because they’re out there. Our clients are finding them left and right and we have clients now. I remember just a little while ago we had a client who was like, I’ve got it, she said, I’ve got six conversations. Going with every single one of these guys is from online dating. Every single one of these guys are already way better than anyone I’ve ever been in a relationship with, just from what I’m seeing so far. And this not just email, also talking on the phone and stuff like that, but it’s already how they’re presenting is so it’s such a whole other level. So it starts with you. You have a lot more power than you think. This is not a time to it’s not a time to bemoan the fact that there are less good. I mean, you can bemoan it definitely. It’s it’s it stinks. You know, it’s also good women. But our our audience here is women. So I’m not going to talk about that so much. But but there’s less people that are relationship material, both men and women. And so if you really want to be relationship material, like marriage material, you want to get yourself prepared for the right guy, for you not to compete with anybody else for their guy, but the right guy for you.

Speaker1: [00:46:44] Okay. I’m about to see. So I think I’m going to end this. Thanks for joining me today. And any questions or comments put in below. Bye for now. Hey, thanks for tuning into today’s episode. If you’re a single professional woman who wants your success in your love life to match your success in your career, and you’re looking to get crystal clear right now about why true love hasn’t been knocking on your door and how to have that happen sooner rather than later. Like, not literally though, that would be weird, but I hope you know what I’m saying. Anyway, you’re going to want a book, a call, a love breakthrough clarity call right now with my dear wife, Dr. Laura. Yes. Laura herself will get on the phone or Skype with you one on one to assess exactly what’s been holding you back and love what it is you really want and how to get there as quickly as possible. Just go to single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book a call that single to soulmate dot com forward slash call for free love breakthrough clarity call that is for you if and only if you’re a single professional woman who is as serious about her love life right now as you’ve been about getting your degree or your career success. So again, that’s single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book your life changing love. Breakthrough Clarity. Call right away.

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Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.