The dating world has changed so much and there’s no denying it. In recent years, some huge misconceptions about the relationships between men and women have been born. So what are those lies exactly and how do they affect you? Let’s talk about that.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
– The love lies you should watch out for
– What to do with this information
– What these lies can do to your love life

READY TO CHANGE YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR THE BETTER, FOREVER?

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Episode Transcription Start —>
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Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate.

Speaker2: [00:00:06] Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams.

Speaker1: [00:00:18] Hi there. Hi there. This is Laura Fernandez. And I wanted to come in here because. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about like what is what is happening in our culture that is really not setting up professional women for success. So professional, educated women like yourselves. Like what’s happening? Because it can’t be all on you. Like it can’t be all your fault. Like, oh, everything’s wrong with you. So I wanted to really look at that and. And here’s what I know there. There are five major, major lies that I see in the kind of public conversation about about marriage and relationships and how women should approach it. And so I’m going to go over the five biggest lies that culture and your culture and your conditioning, especially if you’re in the U.S. or Canada or some Westernized. A country or some country that has been affected by American film. So if you watch American film or American TV shows like Netflix or what have you, you are being fed certain concepts and certain ways of approaching marriage and family that are really actually holding you back from finding true love, finding love that’s actually going to last. So number one. Marriage. The lie that we keep hearing is marriage and motherhood. It’s like a prison. It’s like jail. And it’s not rewarding. It’s not as rewarding as a successful career is for women. And let me just tell you, nothing could be further from the truth.

Speaker1: [00:02:12] What I am seeing, I talk to tons and tons of women every week when I get on the phone with women. I do love breakthrough calls with women where I help them have a breakthrough in their love life and actually start to turn things around right there on the phone. And that is something that so many of them tell me is like, well, I want to have I want to have love. I want to have like a marriage. I want to be with a quality man. I want to actually have a family. But, you know, I’m just I’m focusing on my career. I got to put all my eggs and my basket in the basket of my career. And besides what I’m seeing out there, like. Motherhood is not that rewarding. It’s actually a lot of challenges along with it. And actually my career is actually super important and I’ve invested all of this time, energy and money in my education and in moving up the corporate ladder. And here’s the thing. Marriage and motherhood, if it’s done right, is actually one of the most rewarding things that you can ever do, because being married to the love of your life, to the man who will step up for you, who will do anything for you, who will cherish you, who will treat you like a queen, and who will be your co decision maker in life and be the father to your children? There’s nothing better there’s nothing better than having that companion to, you know, after all, it’s been a long maybe it’s been a long week at work and it’s Friday night and you’re tired and you come home and there’s nothing better than coming home to a warm house.

Speaker1: [00:03:58] He’s got the fireplace going. He’s making you an amazing dinner. And he you know, you walk in the door, he takes your coat off, he helps take your shoes off, and he hands you a glass of wine and just says, Oh, honey, sit down by the by the fire. I’m making dinner for us. And then tell me all about your day. There’s nothing better than that. It’s really the little things, the simple things like that that actually are. Super rewarding. And then if you are wanting to have kids, actually children again, if your parenting is done right and you know how to parent well. Children are actually a true blessing that bring that keep your heart open and keep you enjoying life and keep you alive. They keep you lively. There’s nothing more fun than than than having children, in my opinion. Nothing more fun in this realm of relationships. Actually, becoming a mom was one of the best things I ever did. And it was nothing. Nothing like a prison. It was certainly it is a certain certainly a joy for me and a pleasure. And it keeps my heart open. And I love being, you know, now my now our daughter is grown.

Speaker1: [00:05:10] She’s 20 years old. But I love being her mom and being her confidant. And so it’s super successful or super rewarding to be a successful mom and a successful wife and actually far outweighs my career. Before, before I was a love mentor and love coach. I was a chiropractor, a doctor of chiropractic. And so becoming a wife and becoming a mother was a high priority for me. And I have I can tell you that I have way more rewards from my being a mom and being a wife than being a chiropractor. Just there’s no question. Number two, the other the next lie that your culture is telling you is don’t ever depend on a man now. That that is a big lie. Don’t ever depend on a man. Now, I want to make sure I’m clear here. I’m not saying that you should not have a career. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t get an education. What I am saying, though, is that I speak to many, many women who have been sold this lie, that your career is going to fulfill you as much as a happy marriage. And what I’m so what I’m saying here is that if you would like to be able to take off a little bit of time so you can raise kids, so you actually have a husband who’s bringing home the bacon, so to speak, and you would like to take some time off or maybe just work part time from home.

Speaker1: [00:06:41] I want you to know that that is a valid desire. Now, the culture may tell you that there’s something wrong with you. But again, I get on the phone every week with women who have been sold a bill of goods about this. They have been sold a lie that that, you know, that their career is going to be just way more fulfilling. And they secretly tell me they almost like whisper it on the calls, the breakthrough calls with me. I just I love my career and but it’s not bringing me the fulfillment that I want. And it’s not. I guess I’d like to continue to have my career, but I’d like to be able to pull it back a little bit, stay home, have some kids, stay home a little bit and have my husband support me. And they are so almost embarrassed and almost ashamed to share that. They almost whisper it to me because the culture has been telling them the complete opposite of that for the past 50 years or so. So I’m here to tell you that you can depend on a man, a quality man, if you know, number one, how to pick him, how to choose him. If your picker is working right, if you have a a a thought process, a decision making framework to help you actually choose a man, well, then I’m going to tell you, you can.

Speaker1: [00:08:08] You can when you get married, you can learn how to depend on him in a healthy way. That’s not, you know, infantilizing yourself. That’s actually it’s actually helping to make you be even more relaxed and feel really resourced and really, really peaceful about your life. There is a way to do it. So that’s the second line. Now, the third lie that the culture has been telling women for the past 50 years or so is that women just having sex for sex sake is fine sex. Having sex is fine. Just sex is no big deal. Having sex with no emotional connection or commitment is just fine and has no damaging effects on women. And I’m going to bottom line it for you. That is a huge lie. And that leads women into. Situation ships. It leads women into friends with benefit situations. It leads women into having sex with men they hardly know with no commitment. And then it leads women into actually getting ghosted and feeling like shit. And then it starts like kind of like a downward spiral where it really messes with single women’s confidence. I don’t care how confident you are in your career, but you actually there’s a little voice inside that starts to doubt, like, wait a second, I should be able to just have sex anytime I want. Why do I feel like shit afterwards? Why do I feel bad about myself? Or why do I just not feel as fulfilled? And that’s because sex is not just sex.

Speaker1: [00:09:45] Sex, sex with another person is an energy exchange. And when it’s and when it’s done in an exchange of just kind of like bodily fluids or just to get your rocks off, that’s not going to be the heart filling, fulfilling, joyous, passionate, healthy. I’m going to put that big. Like if I was writing that out, I would put that in bold, healthy and functional type of relationship that lasts a long, long time. So that’s the third lie that your culture is telling you in that sex is just sex for men and for women. Number four. The fourth lie is that your resume is more important than your relationships and that your career success will and it should define you. And here’s what I’m here to tell you. Your career is not going to hold your hand at night. It’s not going to hold your hand when you’re sick. It’s not going to snuggle with you in bed when you’ve had a rough, rough week at work, at your career and in your job. The thing you need to know. I don’t care how high up you are. You are replaceable in your job. You are. If you quit today, they would be looking for somebody to replace you tomorrow. And they would find somebody eventually. In in a healthy relationship with a quality man.

Speaker1: [00:11:16] You’re not replaceable. You matter your desires, your dreams matter. And if you didn’t show up in that relationship with a healthy man, he would come looking for you. He would not want to replace you. He would do everything he could to cherish you and treat you like a queen again. I’m talking about the right man, not just any man. This is a crucial defining point I’m saying here. So that is another lie. Is that your career? Should define you. Your career should be. We’ll give you like we’ll actually be more important than your relationships. And that I have to I have to tell you, after 16 years of coaching single women, that is just simply not the truth. So the fifth lie that your culture is telling you about men and relationships is, is don’t make any real effort to be intentional about finding your husband, your soulmate. Yeah. Just lean back. You know, true love is going to happen organically and on its own, and it’s just going to happen when you least expect it. That is one of the biggest crocks of shit I’ve ever heard. I have had so many clients try for years and years and years and years on their own, kind of like cobbling together a solution to only have relationships that last six months or three months or worse, they last three years, four years, five years of your prime years, prime reproductive years, only to end in heartbreak.

Speaker1: [00:12:56] And then you’ve just wasted four or five years of your life, of your productive years, with a man who just turned out not to be the one. So true love rarely happens organically in this society. We live in a society and a culture that actually is not working for healthy relationships, actually. In fact, if you’ve looked around, I’m sure you could say it’s not really working for anybody, is it? Most of the people that, you know, probably yourself are overwhelmed, exhausted. Wiped out, anxious, maybe even depressed. And so true love cannot happen organically in that place when that is like the overwhelming majority of people. You have to be intentional about it now because I’m sure you’ve already noticed this, but finding love and finding relationships is different now than it was 50 years ago when our grandparents or 60, 70 years ago, when our grandparents were, you know, getting married and looking for love. It was a whole different ballgame. You know, we’ve got swipe left, swipe right. We’ve got apps, we’ve got dating apps, we’ve got matchmakers, we’ve got speed dating. So it’s a whole different world now. And you have to build a skill set that actually knows how to deal with it, to deal with this world, because it actually is a harsh dating world out there. The competition is fierce. The skill set that you need is not what you or your grandparents needed. You need to actually learn a whole different set of skills.

Speaker1: [00:14:33] So you do have to be intentional about finding your husband. Now, there are some people. Yes. That do get lucky and find their soulmate. Those people are rare. I can think of maybe four people that I know that were not intentional, that just got lucky and found their soulmate at a young age. Now, if you’re here in this group, that’s not you. And that’s certainly was not me. I had my starter marriage at 19, divorced at 20, and most of the women that I talked to have had something like that. So here’s the thing. Don’t buy into these five lies. Don’t buy into them because they’re not serving you. I’m going to repeat them really quickly. Number one, the first lie is marriage. And motherhood is like a prison. And it’s not rewarding. It’s not rewarding like a successful career would be for women. Number two is, don’t ever depend on a man. Number three is sex is just sex, whether it’s whether it’s a man or a woman, whether it’s man having sex randomly or woman having sex. No sex for men and sex for women is different. It just is. We are biologically different, by the way. Number four, your resume is more important than your relationships, which means what I’m saying is like that lie is not the truth, that your career success is going to define you and then it’s going to outweigh, you know, your relationship success.

Speaker1: [00:16:03] Because as I said, you are replaceable at your job. But in a relationship with the right man, with a quality man who puts a ring on your finger, who commits to you and your family, you’re not replaceable. You’re very, very, very valuable. And he treats you as such. And number five, the fifth lie is just let relationship, let finding your husband just happen organically. Don’t do anything about it. Just like don’t be intentional. Because otherwise you’re coming across as desperate. If you’re being intentional, if you invest time, energy and money in learning the skill set to find a healthy, functioning, lifelong soul mate love. So those are the five lies. And here’s what I’d like to invite you to do. If you have any questions or comments, concerns about what I’ve shared with you, especially if you disagree with me, or even if you do disagree, or even if you do agree with me. I would love to hear it below in the comments. So type out a comment to me. Share with me your thoughts on what I’ve just shared with you about the five lies that your culture is telling you. And let’s have a conversation about it. I’d be interested to hear. What do you think about the five lies? Any thoughts on that? And I’ll get back to you here in the thread. All right. Thanks for joining me today or if you’re watching this later on Rerun. Thanks for watching.

Speaker2: [00:17:29] Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode. Hey, if you’re looking to make a major leap forward in going from single to soulmate, be sure to check out our free masterclass to learn the five step strategy our clients use to meet and marry the man of their dreams without dumbing themselves down or using manipulative lines. Just go to single to soulmate dot com forward slash learn that single soulmate dot com forward slash learn for free Masterclass on how to unlock the love you deserve and a life of your dreams. Also, if you like this podcast, be sure to hit the subscribe button and maybe even leave us a review. Let us know what you love or just even like about the podcast. Because hey, when you leave us a quick and honest review that helps other awesome women, just like you discover this podcast and helps them learn, live and love better, just like you’re learning right now. So it’s a little bit of pay it forward, subscribe and leave us a review. Thanks so much.

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Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.