You probably have noticed this or had this thought. Men think about sex way too much! Well, you might be right. Learn more about why you might notice this in this episode.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
– Why men seem to think about sex a lot
– How women think about sex
– Why men and women approach sex differently

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Episode Transcription Start —>
S5EP14

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams. Well, hello, hello, hello and welcome to our next episode here about sex and the differences between men and women and how they think about sex and all kinds of stuff like that. This is just we’re going to really just talk about what’s happening today in like modern dating. All right. Modern dating. So in modern dating is doesn’t happen in a vacuum. So like when you are thinking about dating or getting into a relationship or something like that, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens in the context of our whole society. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about. So let’s talk about what’s happening in in the dating world and in the male female dynamic world. So as I said, men and women think differently about sex. Men think a lot about sex. In fact, because it’s driven by testosterone, men think a lot more about sex than you can possibly really fathom. I heard of a woman who was a bodybuilder and not going to get into whether this is the right thing to do or not. But she wanted to bulk up more and so she started taking steroids, which is basically synthetic testosterone. And she reflected to someone who I heard this from, I cannot believe how much I’m thinking about sex and wanting to have sex all the time.

Speaker1: [00:01:48] She goes, This is what it’s like being a man like to have that much testosterone. He’s like, Yeah, pretty much. You know? She was like, How do you, like, get anything done in life, if that’s all you’re thinking about? So there you go. There is our really hormone driven way of thinking and stuff like that. And it’s not saying that that’s only the thing that we think about, but we think about it a lot more than you can possibly really imagine and really think about. Yeah. So so men have this, this, this really hormone driven drive to have sex. And unfortunately, a lot of times women say, oh, I can’t imagine why. Why is he like, why is he talking about sex, thinking about sex so much? And that first part is, I can’t imagine like I can’t really understand why that is. So does that mean let me just make this clear. Does that mean that he should be able to have sex with whoever he wants? No. Does that mean that he should have sex with people who are not giving consent and permission? No. Does that mean that that’s all that matters to him? No. Does that mean that that’s all that you’re there for? No. But it does mean that they think differently about sex. So let’s actually delve deeper into this.

Speaker1: [00:03:13] So women, let’s just think, biologically speaking, women, you don’t have millions of sperm like men. Do you have one egg? Right, one a month. And so there’s a difference between just the biology of how we’re created. Right, and what our aims are. Again, that doesn’t mean that doesn’t excuse bad behavior or worse than bad behavior. It’s just really understanding some of the biology. And I’m going to tie this into what’s happening today in modern life and how this is affecting masculine, feminine dynamic, your dating life, your love life, your relationship life, all of that, that stuff. So so that is the male drive to like mate and. All right. I guess I can get a close at all kinds of things. Pop up here to mate, procreate, all of that type of stuff. Right. And women have more of a biologically driven desire to to connect and to mate. And then obviously there is the having babies, right? Getting pregnant, part of it that naturally would drive a woman to want to have a family, more so than a guy who could, you know, mate, procreate, move on. Right. So does it mean any one is better than the other or anything like that? It just is what it is. And so how does that affect our modern life? Well, when birth control came along, the the possibility for women of having sex without the pregnancy danger was incredibly freeing for women in the sense that you could now have sex without that concern.

Speaker1: [00:05:11] But it came with a little bit I’m not saying that I’m against birth control. It’s a wonderful thing. But it came with a little bit of a little bit of a kind of like a double edged sword in the sense that. You could have sex like a man with no implications in terms of pregnancy. But your emotions are not really like a man’s right. And so they’re different. And so what does that show up as well? What that shows up as in modern life is sex has gotten cheaper and cheaper and cheaper and valued less and less and less. Right. And so whereas before there was a long like it was pretty well known that there would be a long like courting process and men would have to work hard to earn the ability to be with you. The woman would would because of the, the, the maybe social conventions, but also just the very real thing of like, hey, if I just have sex to you because I feel like it or I like you or you seem nice, I could get pregnant and you would go on and I’m I’m left to raise a child, right? So for whatever reason, I’m not going to get into the reason that was the process. Right. Well, here’s the thing. It also worked with the male female dynamics in the sense that the man had to work for and earn the woman’s trust in order to have her want to mate.

Speaker1: [00:06:49] Right. Have sex with him. Well, here’s the thing. In modern life, sex, the value of sex has gotten so low that there are plenty of women that will have sex with a guy without a committed relationship, without being in a in a committed partnership, without an exclusive commitment and things like that. And if and if not, those women there are women that that, you know, will will do it, thinking that they’re in a relationship. But they’re not really but they’re not sure. And here’s the thing. Women can have sex like a man. I’m putting air quotes, but the emotions don’t go with that. So when you’re doing that for a man. Sex can or cannot be an emotional connection for most men. It can or cannot be an emotional connection for most women. Don’t tell me about, well, this woman feels like that. And that woman. Yes, there are exceptions in everything. But I’m saying for most women, it’s very difficult to have sex without some kind of emotional connection. And so sometimes because you know that there are women out there who are going to have sex with with without a commitment, without a lot of things. You feel like you’re competing with those women that will have sex with very little commitment, very little connection and stuff like that. And so you are inspired or encouraged either with the conversations in your own mind, the conversations with your girlfriends, or just seeing what’s out there and you go out to a bar or club or something like that, you are encouraged to lower your standards and and maybe even think of using sex as a way to increase that emotional connection.

Speaker1: [00:08:49] And the phrase you often hear is take the relationship to another level. The reality is that’s not actually how it works. When you make it easier for a man to be with you, your value goes down in his eyes and you have to understand how men think. Generally speaking, there are two categories of women that we encounter. Men will encounter a woman and decide pretty quickly, is she in the category of woman who I can have some fun with? Versus the woman who I could build a life with her. These are two completely different categories, and the easier you make it for him to spend time with you, to be with you, to have sex with you, the more you leave the the category of the I could build a life with her. And the more you’re in the category of like, Oh, this will be fun for for a while, until someone that I really like comes along. And all of that is driven by the fact that sex has gotten cheaper and cheaper sex is cheaper because of of porn, because porn is so rampant that a guy can have the, like, visual experience of sex without actually having an actual relationship.

Speaker1: [00:10:12] And more and more women are listening to or watching porn now themselves, which further degrades and cheapens sex from an intimate emotional bonding to just like a physical act. So. So what do you do about the fact that that men can, visually speaking, watch more flesh and sex in an hour than their fathers and grandfathers saw and thousands of millions of years men saw in their entire lifetime. I want you to get the difference in because of just I mean, just simple magazines like Cosmopolitan or Men’s, I don’t know, whatever, GQ or something like that. There’s more flesh on display. And then you add in porn, there’s more flex in sex, sex and flesh and and visualized like implications of sex available to a man in a one hour period than his fathers and grandfathers saw in their entire lives. Right. That changes how men think about sex and it encourages women because you’re in the same society that men are in and encourages women to lower their standards for sex and for relationships and to feel like they are competing with these other women. And so you have the experience because of that consciousness, which then shows up in your behavior, actions, things that you do and don’t do that shows up in your actions in the way you think about yourself, in the way you think about men, in the way you think about love.

Speaker1: [00:12:03] That shows up with you having the experience of being ghosted, of having a guy say, you know, he’s kind of into you, but he’s not willing to put forth a lot of effort to be with, you know? And so you feel like I’ve got to make it easier for him to come and be with me and stuff like that. And so how do you compete with all these women that are doing that? And the answer is you don’t. You don’t compete because the biology of men isn’t any different now than it was. It’s just that both men and women are in a pool where sex and intimacy and I’m doing air quotes here. Intimacy is so cheap that his masculinity, his natural masculinity is not being inspired. He’s he’s not is not getting activated. His masculinity is not getting activated by easy, cheap sex, easy cheap dates and easy cool chick. I did another Facebook Live here, another episode about Do you want to be easy cool chick. No, you don’t. And so how do you compete with all of that free, cheap, easy sex that he’s getting? You don’t compete with that. You you start taking what is inside of you more seriously than the other women are doing. Because the truth is, you’re not actually competing with other women. You’re simply if you have to use the word competing, you’re competing with different versions of yourself.

Speaker1: [00:13:45] Easy, cool chick version of yourself is going to get guys who don’t commit, want to be in a relationship with you for a few months until the razzle dazzle wears off and then they move on, or even for a couple of years and then and then not move the relationship forward. And the reason is because you think you’re in the relationship, moving it forward towards marriage. He knows that he’s in the relationship with you until someone that you really like comes along, a woman who activates his masculinity and makes him move forward not by telling him to move forward, but inspires him to move forward. So you’re competing with different versions of yourself. Easy, cool chick version, ho hum version. Better than easy cool chick and high value woman. This is where we operate. This is where we teach and and coach our clients is to be a high value woman, what we call a love warrior, a woman who is effortlessly feminine, magnetic and act, and has the tools and skills to activate the masculinity. Because you have probably had the experience where a guy says, It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not emotionally available. I’m not ready for a relationship right now. And then you notice on Instagram or Facebook, six months later, he’s engaged to a woman. Why is that? Because what he really was was not ready to be in a relationship with you, given your current state and in the foundation on which the relationship was built, which is generally speaking, you were in the pool of the women who you now have some fun with, but you didn’t even know that you were not in the pool of I could build a life with her.

Speaker1: [00:15:30] And the way you start to move up that ladder of competition with yourself is becoming the best version of yourself. Take your what’s inside of you a lot more seriously than what’s outside of you. Stop thinking that you’re competing with the other women and recognize that you’re competing with yourself to be the best version of yourself so that you can attract your soulmate. Now, is there one soulmate or a lot of soul mates? I don’t know. But I’ll tell you one thing. When the ladies that we work with meet their soulmate, meet, they’re one. They don’t care if there’s another hundred behind door number 17 or 27 or something like that because they’ve got the one. And so the idea of is there more than one or something like that is really just a mental exercise. It’s not useful. There’s nothing you can do with that in real life. But if you think of there being one or just one good fit, however you think of it, we call it being with your soulmate. You have to be the best version of yourself, and that’s where we come in.

Speaker1: [00:16:32] And that is why women that work with us end up having their whole lives transformed, not just their love life, but you have to recognize that you are not competing with the easy, cool chicks with the cheap and easy sex. But that can’t just be talk. A lot of times what women do is they say, Well, I’m not competing, and they have a standoffish kind of attitude about it. And instead of a man feeling welcomed in and feeling magnetized in by a woman who’s in her feminine, knows her feminine power, which is really gotten lost in all of this hypersexualization of women over the last decades. But really knowing your true essence and your true feminine power allows you to draw in a man and lift up a man to activate his masculinity. And that is what he is looking for. You got to understand that a man is. Actually looking for women to activate his masculinity. And if you know how to activate his masculinity, you separate yourself from just so many other women. You separate yourself from most other women. But most women have lost touch with their femininity. They think it means being weak and helpless. They think it’s like maybe game playing or something like that manipulation. And nothing could be further from the truth. When you love yourself, you love your life and you know how to be effortlessly feminine and magnetic and radiant.

Speaker1: [00:18:09] The men that you do talk to are going to be on another level and the same man that would have shown up and just had a roll in the hay with you or fooled around with you for a few months, could be then activated to that next level version of himself. Because the truth is, like I’m here. Laura and I have been together almost 20 years, married 19 years. Next year will be married 20 years. And I’m a better man today than I was 20 years ago. But I’ll tell you something. Did I show up as the best version of myself at the time? Yes. Did she show up as the best version of herself at the time? Yes. But I’ll tell you this, I’m a much better man now than I was back then. That was 20 years ago. And the reason is because she constantly is activating my masculinity and I’m constantly nurturing and loving and appreciating her femininity. This is a strong professional woman, you know, she’s not a pushover. She doesn’t play games or anything like that. But she knows and knew how to get in touch with her femininity to remain strong. She’s a doctor running her own clinic. Remain strong, be feminine and activate that masculine part of me that separated her from all the other women that were around, that were interested that I was interested in, that just immediately separated her from everyone else.

Speaker1: [00:19:38] And that’s what you need to do, is to recognize that you’re not competing with other women. You’re competing with the best version of yourself. And if you are in the place where you’re serious about attracting a high quality, commitment minded man, you have to be commitment minded and you’ve got to be committed to yourself, to your dreams, to your desires, and you’ve got to get in touch with your femininity. This is something we teach in our programs. It is critical because without you being in touch with the full range of what femininity is and a lot of times women are in one side or the other, either they’re like the damsel in distress all the time, or they’re the badass, fierce, you know, kind of warrior all the time. And the reason why we call our clients Love Warriors is because you are strong, but you’re you’re centered in love. And that combination together is incredibly sexy because a woman who is weak and gives herself to a man is cheap. A woman who is strong and competes with a man is just another dude. But a woman who is strong and voluntarily vulnerable and voluntarily wanting excuse me, wanting to lift up her man while he lifts up her as his queen. This is this is un. It makes a guy feel like he just cannot get enough of you. Because what you have is so different than what’s out there that that you’re not competing with anyone.

Speaker1: [00:21:22] That’s what our programs are about. That’s what is necessary is to do that. You want to. Separate yourself from the common woman by doing something that is uncommon. Allowing that your desires and your dreams are actually important. The more you value you, the more a man will value you. If you’re getting guys ghosting you, you’re not seeing good guys around. I’m not saying that they’re like just growing in every corner, but there’s good guys around. How is it that our clients are getting married to their guys every month, every year? How is that happening? Did they find the one last guy? No, they found the guy who was the right person for them and they were able to activate and bring out the best in him because they had brought out the best in themselves. If you want to bring out the best in yourself, we’re happy to talk with you about what that would look like, how that can happen for you. And you can that can start on a love breakthrough call. Go to Johnny and Larcom Forward slash, apply and apply to get on the phone with one of our love certified love breakthrough coaches and sitting there saying, wow, what what’s possible? I don’t know. I’m I’m divorced. I’m a single mom. Whatever the thing is, I want to have a family. But how do I do that? And if you haven’t been able to do that on your own.

Speaker1: [00:22:53] Let’s talk about how that can happen for you, because the reality is that while men and women are wired differently, there are certain things that are at the core that are still the same. And a man, a high quality man, he wants to feel like he is a king to your queen. He wants to feel that you are a high value woman who is lifting him, lifting yourself up, and then lifting him up. Because here’s a card that Laura gave me. I’m going to show it is you are my king. I don’t know if it’s showing up backwards for you, but you are my king. You know what that is? That is how she sees me, because she sees herself as a queen and she doesn’t just see herself and mentally think about it. Her actions in life before we got together. And now, nearly 20 years later, as she treats herself well, she values herself well, she values herself highly. And it’s not just lip service. It’s actually showing up in actions on a day to day, week to week, month to month basis. She values herself. That brings out the best in me and I want to give her the world. If you want to bring out the best in yourself, attract that man who will want to give you the world. You can start right now.

Speaker1: [00:24:15] Go to Johnny and Larcom forward. Apply and let’s get you there. All right. So it’s not your imagination that things are different now. They really are. If you want to help in navigating that, that’s what we’re all about, helping you get there faster than you ever thought possible and just get there at all. Because if the way it’s going is the way it keeps going, probably not going to happen. Right. So we’d love to help you. Thank you so much for joining me. If you’re joining me here on replay, just put replay and then put any questions that you have below. This is a mindset week here on our our Facebook lives in this group. And so the mindset thing I want you to to walk away with today is you have to value you at a much higher level. Your hopes, your dreams, your desires. You have to value you at a much higher level to separate yourself from all of the cheapening of women and sex that’s going on in society. You’ve got to separate yourself from that because the high quality man out there, he’s looking for that. He’s looking for you at your highest level, best self. Bye for now. Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode. Hey, if you’re a single professional woman who’s had success in your career or business and you want your love life to match that success, and you’re looking to get a lot of clarity right now about why true love hasn’t been knocking on your door and more importantly, what you can do about it.

Speaker1: [00:25:51] Then you’re going to want a book, a love breakthrough, clarity. Call right away with one of our love breakthrough specialists. So get on the phone or zoom call with you one on one to assess exactly what’s been holding you back in love. Why is it that other people are finding love and you aren’t? And she’ll also go over with you. What is it that you really want and how can you get it as quickly as possible? Now, by the end of this compassionate and professional assessment, you’ll finally have clarity plus an immediately actionable path forward. All you have to do is go to single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book that free call. Again, it’s single to soulmate forward slash call for complementary love breakthrough call that is for you. If you’re a single professional woman who is as serious about her love life right now as you’ve been in your life, about getting your degree or degrees, your career or business success, all of that stuff. If you want to have it all and you’re ready to finally have some clarity and get a breakthrough and actionable path forward, then this is for you again, that single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book your life changing one on one assessment call right away.

Episode Transcription End —>

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.