What are you doing that would attract a high-quality man? Have you thought about it? What about their mixed signals. Have you experienced them?

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
– What you can do to attract your soulmate
– How to understand men better

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Episode Transcription Start —>

S5EP20

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to single The Soulmate Podcast where we help you, the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate. Living the life of your dreams. Well, hello, hello and welcome to another episode of. What’s Going On In Your Love Life and how can we help move things in the direction that you want to go? So today we’re going to be I’m going to be answering your questions. So we’ve got questions from Elita and Heather and Nicole and Desiree. I’m going to answer those questions. And if you’re here with me live, I’m going to also answer your question. So if you’re watching me live, go ahead and type in the in the chat where you’re from and then be ready to ask questions so you can type in a question. Anything there? Also, I’d love to have this be interactive in the sense of if something that I’m saying resonates with you or you have a follow up question about that. Go ahead and ask. All right. So I’m just going to pop over to another window so I can read the question. But Alita had a question of not I’m not attracting men that are of high value. I seem to attract men that don’t have goals or seem to want only one thing which I’m assuming means want sex, right? What am I doing wrong? How can I change this? And Jamie said, Hey, I’m with you having the same thing.

Speaker1: [00:01:34] Lavinia said, Same thing. Elaine said, This is the same thing. So let’s let’s talk about that. So when you’re a couple of things to look at is that your life is like your love, life is like a mirror. And so what that means is that what you’re attracting in is kind of like a mirror, like what you are putting into the mirror. Like nobody would look at a mirror and think, well, if I, you know, don’t like, let’s say, you know, I’m a guy, let’s say I wanted to have a mustache, right? God, I’d like to have a mustache. I look in the mirror, there’s no mustache. And then I just, like, get a magic marker and draw on the mirror. A mustache. Right. So nobody would think that. But I share that with you because that illustrates how much. Hey, Heather from Missouri, awesome to see you here. So that idea of like kind of drawing on the mirror is what most of the time people focus on, a lot of women focus on externally instead of looking at, well, what am I doing to attract this? And Heather, excuse me, Alita had a great question of like, what am I doing wrong? How can I change this? And so the the recognition that you are the one that can change this is really powerful, Alita and all of you that that resonate with that or having that experience of attracting low quality guys.

Speaker1: [00:03:07] Right. Guys without goals. And let me just see or only seem to want one thing, right? Which again, I’m just assuming but I’m assuming that what you’re talking about is the only thing you want sex, right? They only seem to want you for your external right, your appearance, that kind of thing. Right. But basically they’re just looking at the surface. And so that is a mirror of what it is that you’re putting out there in terms of your energy and your being ness. And so attracting men of low quality is simply feedback. It’s feedback for what it is that you’re putting out there now. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. It doesn’t mean that you’re a low quality person. But I want you to think of it this way. Imagine that someone said You’re important to me, and you said, Great, do you want to spend some time with me? And they’re like, No, I don’t have any time for you, but you’re important to me. Or someone said, Well, you’re important to me, and I’d like to take you out to dinner and you go, Great. There’s a nice restaurant down the street. Not a no, not a not a restaurant. I’ll take you to Taco Bell. You’re like, Huh? That’s kind of cheap, you know? Now, it’s not really that the nice restaurant is more expensive. It’s just that man, if you’re taking up, talking about going to Taco Bell, you’re talking about the cheapest possible thing, right? Or, hey, there’s a food pantry down the down the road.

Speaker1: [00:04:41] We can get food for free there. So if you would, you would recognize right away that the words you’re important to me and the action of saying I don’t have time for you or I don’t have money to spend on you would be. There’s a disconnect, right? You’re saying I’m important, but you’re not investing time and you’re not investing money in me, so I don’t think I’m that important. Right. Hey, Wendy from Utah, awesome to see you here. And so how do you know that you are not put? Getting out the vibe of you being important or high value. You look at the feedback, Hey, Trina, Namibia. Awesome. I hope I’m pronouncing your name right. Maybe type it out phonetically if I’m not too help me out there. Right. So the first thing to look at is if you’re getting the feedback of attracting guys with kind of low quality, only interested in the external meaning, like only interested in sex and stuff like that. There’s a couple of things going on. Number one, you’re not seeing your insides and how you tick and and and how you think and feel as important enough that that comes across to the right guy. You’re not seeing that as important. He’s picking up on that. In other words, when given the opportunity to invest time and money in yourself, you say, no, I have other things that are more important.

Speaker1: [00:06:16] And so what happens is you attract guys who think who say you’re not that important. There are other things or other people that are more important than you. Why do they get this idea? Because that is the vibe that you’re walking around with all of the time, because you have a firm that I will do things for my kids, for my neighbors, for my boss, for my friends. But I won’t do things for me. I’ll do things that are about maintaining the life that I have, but I won’t do anything to change or level the life that I have. And so the feedback that you’re getting of low quality men doesn’t mean that you’re a low quality person. It means that you are behaving and acting as a low quality person. In other words, when given the choice of nice restaurant, cheap stuff like cheap at Taco Bell or McDonald’s or free, go to the food pantry you’re choosing free or cheap, which means you come across as free or cheap, and then you’re going to attract somebody who’s looking for a free or cheap woman. And so that’s not the woman that a man wants to marry. That’s the woman that a man wants to get one thing from external sex or whatever, because they are picking up on the vibe that you’re putting out. They have gotten the message loud and clear that you don’t value yourself, that you want to do free, cheap and easy for yourself.

Speaker1: [00:07:50] But you want Tiffany’s platinum level, high quality from a guy and that is that’s a disconnect there doesn’t match what is being put into the mirror is not matching what’s coming out of the the mirror. So just because you think of yourself as different than free, cheap and easy, if your actions are all about free, cheap and easy, then that’s what you’re going to be attracting. Again, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It simply means you have to look at your actions, the real world, concrete results. That’s what you have to to look at. All right. And and and it has to be in this area of your life that you’re moving beyond free, cheap and easy. Now, why is that now, when maybe 100 years ago that wasn’t the case? Because right now there’s so much more going on in our life. There’s so much more stimulus and information that people can much more easily talk the talk. But it’s the actions that are about walking the walk. The actions show us. You tell me when you’re thinking about a man, you’re talking to a man and he says, You’re important to me, but is action show you? Well, I’ll go on a date with you if I happen to be driving through your town and stuff like that, or after all the other important things are done.

Speaker1: [00:09:17] He calls you on Friday afternoon for a Friday night date. This is an indication that you are his last option and that’s what he’s doing. But if you don’t know to think of yourself as the price we teach our clients that you are the prize, but you’re not the prize. Just because you say you’re the prize, you’re the prize because your actions line up with someone who is a prize with a woman who is a prize, was a high value woman. So when given the opportunity to look at, well, how do I tick and how can I convey something different, you say, Well, what is the free, cheap and easy way to do that? I’ll go do some YouTube videos or podcast or a book is 12 bucks or 20 bucks. That’s pretty cheap. I’ll do that. But if your thought process is I’m going to do the cheapest, easiest thing, then you’re still in the vibe of free, cheap and easy. And then that’s what’s going to be coming across. I’m going to step aside for a moment, but I’ll be right back. We have a air conditioner here that it goes from too cold to too hot. So there’s not a lot of in between. So. Anyway, where was I? We were talking about the attracting of the low quality men. If the the idea of investing in you, not your external, but in you, inside of you, how you think, how you feel, how you come across to others.

Speaker1: [00:11:04] If that idea is leads you to say, give me the free, cheap and easy. Now you have your answer about why you’re attracting guys that see you as free, cheap and easy, right? Because you need to value you at a higher level. You need to value you and your hopes and dreams like what’s deep inside of you, right? Because when when a man only is interested in sex in you, that means that he’s picking up on an energy from you, which is that you are not valuing what’s inside of you, not your external, how you look and all that stuff. You are not valuing what’s inside of you and he can pick up on that. Now, men may not be the most intuitive, right? And he may not be able to say, well, here’s why, but he can pick up on that. And and men will do what you invite in or allow. So sometimes you’re not inviting in something and the guy’s just walking around putting it out, you know, like, Hey, I want to sleep with you. Hey, I want to sleep with you. Hey, I want to sleep with you, right? Maybe you’re not inviting that in, but if you are allowing that person to be in your space to have time with you, it means that you’re not valuing yourself and your time enough. It means that you’re not seeing yourself as the prize.

Speaker1: [00:12:30] You’re not realizing the time with you as precious. We teach our clients to be magnetic, and so the guy is thinking something very, very different. He’s thinking, How can I get time with this woman? And it’s not easy. It’s not about playing hard to get, it’s about being hard to get. And that is an internal shift. This is what we teach our clients to make that internal shift so that then the words line up with your the vibe that you’re sending out. And what happens is even if a a knucklehead guy who’s just one sex comes into your space, he will tell right away that. It’s not that kind of party with you, right? It’s not going to be that kind of party with you. And so the the feedback of attracting low quality men gives you the opportunity to look at where have I been seeing myself as low quality, where have I been seeing myself as not worthy of investing inside of me, looking inside of me, what makes me tick? What how am I coming across and and and how can I shift how I see myself? Because without an upgrade of your identity, you’re always going to see yourself as not the prize. You’re going to see him as a prize, and you’re going to behave in ways in person, online, in online dating, in every scenario, you’re going to behave in ways that that let it be known loud and clear that you don’t feel like you’re the prize and you have to do stuff to try to get him to like you.

Speaker1: [00:14:15] And that feeling comes across to guys and even a good guy will treat you more like a like a temporary hangout buddy, maybe friends or friends with benefits, whatever they’ll treat you. Even a good guy will treat you more like that because you are. The relationship established her and the relationship navigator you establish. What is this relationship going to be by your beingness? We teach our clients to shift from the inside out, so even though they may be wearing the same clothes, they wear it differently. Even though they may have the same haircut, it looks different on them because how they feel on the inside is different. Now, you you you have experienced this in your life already. Have you ever had the experience where you meet someone, maybe a guy, and he’s really good looking and then you discover he’s like a complete asshole. He’s a jerk to people, he’s unkind. He’s just he’s just a horrible person. And doesn’t he become less good looking in your eyes? And you’ve also experienced the opposite, where someone is just kind of mediocre, just an average person like the rest of us, not models and stuff, right? Just an average person. But he’s a good hearted person and he becomes better looking. The more you know about who he is and what he does and how he walks and moves in the world, and he actually becomes better looking.

Speaker1: [00:15:54] So you’ve experienced this before where what’s on the inside of someone changes how they look. So when you work on the inside of you, you become better looking because. You’ve all you’ve seen it, too, where there’s there’s women the same thing, right? So we’ve all seen it where someone looks one way or the other on the external. But once you find out what’s on the internal, things shift and change. Right. If you’ve had that experience before, let me know in the in the chat here type. Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. Had that experience. All that type of stuff. Let me know that you’re here with me. And remember, I’m also taking questions. So if you have questions, follow up questions about this, feel free to to ask and you know, to follow up on elitist question about that. I also want to say I seem to attract men that don’t have goals. So this is very important that you recognize that you as the relationship established here and relationship navigator, you have to have goals. Now most of the time when people talk about having goals, I’m not sure why am I not seeing the comments here? Uh. Let’s see. Comment here. All right. Let’s see if if you’re if you’re here watching, go ahead and put a put a comment underneath my comment and let me know that you are still seeing this because sometimes a little weird.

Speaker1: [00:17:31] I don’t actually see the comments coming in. I’m not sure why that happens like that. Anyway, you have to have goals. But here’s the thing. Society will tell you that your goals need to be financial or career wise. That is what goals are. Now, here’s the thing that is one type of goals for one part of your life. But if you have a goal of being having a certain amount of wealth or having a certain career, and that’s all you have is that kind of goal. That’s all you will be. You’ll just be a worker bee and you’ll have enough money to pay the bills and do fancy things. But you won’t have much else. But if your goal is true love, marriage and family, that has to be a goal. And you have to be just like your financial goals or your career goals. You have to be pursuing it actively in order to believe yourself. Right. I’m a I’m a lawyer. I had the goal of being a lawyer. I couldn’t just think about that. I had to actually do something about that. And then I had to work for that goal. Like, they’re not just going to hand it out just because I think it’s a great idea. Right? Everything that is worthwhile is going to take focus and investment of time and energy and money.

Speaker1: [00:18:56] And when I talk about energy, energy is best measured by time and money because those are measurable things. Right. The school I went to cost more money than another school because the school I went to was better. And you know what? It didn’t cost as much as Yale Law School. And you know what? Yale Law School’s probably better, right? Think about your college degree, your advanced degree. When you got those degrees, you didn’t just have the idea or the desire you had to actually work for it. So if you want to have attract a man with goals, you have to be a woman with goals. And your goals can’t just be professional because otherwise you’re just one of the boys and a guy doesn’t want to have a guy, a woman who’s just one of the boys. So you have to have as a goal true love, marriage and family, and you need to be thinking about it as a goal. There’s this idea out there that focus on your your financial and your career goals, but the other stuff will just happen naturally. This is bonkers. Like nobody who’s not in shape and wants to get in shape is told. Don’t make that a goal to get in shape, lose weight, put on muscles, lose body fat. Nobody tells you that’s the way to do it. Everybody says, okay, if you’re not so in such good shape and you need to be in shape or you want to be in shape, great.

Speaker1: [00:20:29] Put up pictures, follow a plan, do a goal, you know, make it a goal and then work for it. Only in your love life are people, like, basically tricked into thinking that the way to have this goal is to not focus on the goal, not invest in the goal, not try to learn how to be better at reaching that goal faster. It’s bonkers, right? And so think about any goal in your life. Want to run a marathon? What are you going to need to do? Focus on that? And that’s going to wake up one day and then be like, you know what I want to do today? Run the New York City Marathon. That’s what I’m going to do today. Nobody thinks of that right now. Like and if somebody said, this is my plan, everybody would say, you’re bonkers, right? That’s bananas. It’s not it doesn’t make any sense. Right. And if you wanted to run a marathon and you wanted to run four years and all you did was talk about it, maybe run around the block every once in a while, watch some YouTube videos about it, and just keep talking about how you wanted to run a marathon, but you were doing everything but that hazing. Good to see you. Then everybody would say that’s not how you reach that goal. Running a marathon is a hard thing. And you’re not doing the stuff to reach that goal.

Speaker1: [00:21:52] And it’s the same thing. Finding good man today. It’s not your imagination. It’s a hard thing. There’s knuckleheads out there. There’s man, boys, right? What happened in that household? Like, why does this grown man think that that, you know, that that being in a relationship means you got Mama to take care of you or a servant or something? Who knows? Who cares? But there are those guys out there, aren’t they? And they’re trying to get in a relationship right with you. But why are you even considering them as possibility? Right. There’s guys out there that are narcissists. Great, whatever the hell their their thing is about why that is. Why are you getting into relationships with them? There’s guys out there that are addicted to video games or porn or or eating or whatever the thing. There are drugs, alcohol, all of that stuff. That’s a terrible thing. And you know what? Why are you getting into relationships with them? Why are you not seeing them for what they are, which is not relationship material? And why are they attracted to you? Because they see you as on their level. They see you as, oh, this is a woman I could I could be with. So that tells you that’s giving you some feedback about what it is that you’re putting out. Not the words, not what’s in your heart, but your actions are reflecting that. So you’ve got to be willing to look at to look at that, you know? All right.

Speaker1: [00:23:27] So having goals, if your goal if one of your goals is true love, marriage and family, you need to think about it the way you think of goals. I’m a big basketball fan. I’ve got. I’ve got replica trophies of the Golden State Warriors. Good friend of mine gave me a replica championship ring. But if one of your goals is to get a ring, not this kind of ring, but a wedding ring. The ring’s the thing we tell our clients the rings. The thing is not about getting another date or getting another boyfriend. You’ve already had another date. Another boyfriend? You can get another date and another boyfriend. You want to have a commitment minded, emotionally mature, high quality man. Right. So you got to you got to be thinking the way those that pursue championships do. And what that means is that you focus on it as if it matters. Right. Steph Curry is one of the greatest basketball players of all time. He didn’t just want to play basketball. He wanted to be the best him that he could be. He had things come against him. He had he’s kind of small for a basketball player. He had broken ankles. He had multiple injuries and stuff like that. But he kept focusing and going for what it is that he wanted and became one of the best basketball players in the world.

Speaker1: [00:24:55] So what does that have to do with you? If your goal is true love, marriage and family, you can’t act like that’s not your goal. There’s nobody who’s in the NBA or the NFL or WNBA or whatever who wanted that as a goal. But then all of their actions were that this is not a goal. And when someone asks them, Is that a goal? They said, No, I don’t care about that. You can’t do that. It’s a disconnect. And and if you’re not willing to claim your dream, nobody’s going to take that dream seriously. Least of all a guy who’s in a relationship with you, he’s just not going to take it seriously unless you take it seriously. You know what else the the people that are professional athletes do before they become professional athletes. They get coaching because everyone who wants to get better than where they’re at gets coaching, mentoring of some type so that they can speed up their their journey to where it is that they want to go. All right. All right. So elitist question. Now, Heather had a question. Let me find Heather’s question. When he says one thing, I think we’re just friends but acts differently, calls every day, wants to know what my plans are or makes arrangements to go on trips, wants to do things around my house, wants me to know the details of his life, continues to flirt incessantly, sends text messages at 2:30 a.m.

Speaker1: [00:26:18] not sexting. It’s quite confusing. So this is a great question, Heather, because it’s hard for women to understand this, but men do. What they want to do. And as I mentioned earlier, they’ll do what you invite in or what you allow. So it’s not really confusing. Unless you’re thinking that his words and his actions are like what he says and what he does, that those things can be different. His actions are. Ah, I think we’re just friends. But he acts differently, calls every day all of that type of stuff. So but you have to be able to believe what it is that he’s saying and what it is that he’s doing. So he’s doing these things. But if he’s not, if your goal, if the ring’s the thing, if your goal is true, love, marriage and family. Heather And he’s not moving that forward, then that’s telling you that he’s not seeing you in that way. And and so, you know, sending text messages at 2:30 a.m., that doesn’t mean anything other than that’s like a booty call text message. That’s like a I want to keep you around text message. But if he’s not seeing you as a woman that he needs to pursue and win over, then his words and actions would line up. But if you’re a woman who is a in the meantime woman, then his words and actions won’t line up. Why? Because he’s going to do just enough or say just enough to keep you around in the meantime, until a woman who he really wants to be with comes along.

Speaker1: [00:28:10] So I don’t say that to say that you’re a bad person and I don’t say that to say that you don’t deserve something else. But men do pretty much what they want to do, and they’re going to do what you invite in or what you let them get away with. And so the woman that he really wants to be with his words and his actions will line up. What he says and what he does will line up and it be obvious to you. Now, another thing just is related to that is if you don’t have a clear decision making framework, meaning that your picker is up fully functioning and operational and well grounded and works, then you won’t be able to tell. Are his words and actions lining up and you’ll be getting confused because like how do you make a decision about a guy is the way you make a decision based on chemistry or common interest or the calendar. These are poor quality decision making tools that many, many people use. Many women use these as decision making tools, and these are poor quality decision making tools. We’ve had clients that have been dating their guy for two years before they get engaged. We’ve had clients dating their guy for a mere months before they get engaged, and now all kinds of things that are different.

Speaker1: [00:29:36] But when you have a clear decision making framework and you know that you’re the prize, then as you move forward, everybody’s got their own journey. Every relationship has its own flavor, its own way of of of pacing and stuff like that. So Laura and I were on the fast track, so we met in June, and then the following July we were already married and our daughter was born. So fast track. Right. But that’s not everybody. That’s not like that’s the right way to do it. That’s just our particular way to do it. We’ve had other clients that are on that fast track as well, but that’s not like that is the only way. Every relationship has their own pacing. It could be years of forward progress, but with a clear decision making framework and knowing that you are the prize, you’ll notice there is forward progress. Forward progress and you won’t be there wondering like, what’s going on, what’s happening here? If you ever have that feeling of like, what’s going on? Where’s that relationship going? Where is this relationship going? It means several things. One of the things that it means is that you don’t have a clear decision making framework and so you don’t even know whether you are making forward progress or not. That’s number one. Another thing now, there are many other things that it indicates, but it indicates a few things. Another one is that you are not seeing yourself as the prize and so you are not activating in him the need to win you over.

Speaker1: [00:31:14] And. Yes, I know we’re in modern times, but you even you as an educated, professional woman, don’t you want a man to just think of those old time like fairy tales where the man rides up on the horse, he slays the dragon, he climbs up with his bare hands on the castle, rips open the gate, rescues the damsel in distress, and rides away with his princess or his queen. On some level, isn’t that what you want? For the man to be a man. And to care about you value. I love you so much that he wants to claim you in front of God and everyone as your woman. The prize that He has won over. And then lift him. Lift you up as as the beautiful, radiant woman that you are. You tell me. Isn’t that what you want? Because even though the fairy tale of the horse and the riding and the horse and all that type of stuff, even though that’s not the world that we’re living in now, the sentiment is still the same. Right. You want to have a a man who who behaves in a masculine way. That means that you’ve got to behave in a feminine way. And most of the time women are have lost touch with their femininity. So many women have have just completely lost touch with it.

Speaker1: [00:32:47] They’re numb to their femininity. They’re numb to the joys of being a woman. And they think of themselves primarily or exclusively as what they do. This is how men think. If a man is a professional comedian, he thinks he’s funny. If a man is a mr. Fix-It guy, he’s like a, I don’t know, a tech guy or something like that. He thinks he’s good at tech. Like we think of ourselves. Men think of ourselves primarily by what we do. But women have taken that on. And so you think that who you are is what you do, and that cuts you off from your femininity because your femininity is about who you are being. Are you being the prize? Are you being magnetic? Are you being so, so radiant that he’s drawn to you and he may not be able to put his finger on it? If you are finding that men basically just are attracted to your physical beauty, it means that you are not in touch with your feminine radiance to draw in a man who will think of you as something else. And the reason is, like we talked about earlier, about like that means that you’re not valuing what’s inside of you that highly. So how could somebody else? Right. So the confusion that Heather was talking about is is. Comes from all of that, like not really recognizing your place in this process. You are the relationship established.

Speaker1: [00:34:27] You’re you are the relationship navigator. He is he is responding to who you are. And if you are giving off the energy of the in the meanwhile woman, then he’ll do just enough to stick around in the meanwhile. But if you are a woman who’s got a goal and whose true love, marriage and family are your goals, then he would start to see you differently. This is what we help our clients do is focus in on the goal as if it matters. Not because you need a man. You’ve already proven that you don’t need a man, all of you, right? You’ve already proven that you don’t need a man. The thing is, it’s what you want, right? So needs level is very basic survival level. So if all you’re looking at is I don’t need a man, that means that your whole mentality is about basic survival level. So you will look at energy and time on maintaining your basic survival. You’ll look at your money as something to just focus on just your basic survival. And then all you’re going to get is guys who may be all you’re going to get is guys that are basically seeing you at that lower level, that basic survival level, like, well, better to be with someone than not. But if you want passion, if you want your soul to be ignited, if you want to have someone with whom you can grow old, with someone who you can count on, and ups and downs, someone who sees you as beautiful, whether his eyes are open or closed, meaning that he sees the beauty inside of you.

Speaker1: [00:36:09] Then you have to get out of thinking of your time, your attention, your energy, your money as just going toward basic survival and needs, and recognize that your soul has needs, too. And it’s not just having a roof over your head and having food. Those things obviously are important. But what else? Like you could have a great career money in the bank and die with plenty of money in the bank, no debt, all of that stuff. But if you haven’t had someone in your life to share it with. What fricking good is it? Right. Like you see a beautiful sunset, you’re on a vacation, or you’re just walking around your neighborhood and you see a beautiful sunset, but you got nobody to share it with. It exacerbates the loneliness feeling right? Take trips with your girlfriends and stuff like that, but deep down, you’d like to be taking that trip with your guy, right? And so recognizing that that you have something inside of you that is valuable and important to you means that you’ve got to be devoting time, attention, energy, money toward that. Otherwise, nobody else can see what’s inside of you as valuable and important. So let’s see, Nicole said in answer to the question of like, what’s your your biggest frustration? People that are constant people, they constantly are making sure everything is your fault.

Speaker1: [00:37:42] Like when he cheats, you’re to blame for it. Alida said. I can relate to that. So here’s the thing. There is such a big difference between fault or blame and responsibility. And so we encourage you to take responsibility for your life, to take responsibility for your relationships, to recognize that you have way more power than you have ever been told that you have. As a woman in a relationship, as a woman, as the feminine you are, the relationship established her and the relationship navigator. As a woman, you can steer where that relationship goes if you actually know how to do that. But if you don’t know how to do that, it’s like going to those those bumper cars where their steering wheels steer, but it doesn’t do frickin anything. You just go bouncing around, right? But when you put your hands firmly on the steering wheel, like in a real car, then you have steering. Now, that’s a big responsibility in a car, isn’t it? When you’re in bumper cars and you’re steering and the wheel doesn’t do anything. It may be fun, it may be relaxing, but you certainly have no control. But in a real car, you in order to drive, you have to put your hands in the steering wheel and be responsible for where that car goes or doesn’t go. Now, occasionally, is there something where somebody else interferes with your car and you have to react to it? Absolutely.

Speaker1: [00:39:14] But most of the times when people get into accidents is because they weren’t being present to what was happening. In other words, they weren’t taking full responsibility for the steering wheel and the car that they were driving. And so when someone is, you know, cheating and blaming you for it, again, it’s not a thing to blame yourself or shame yourself or fault yourself. But it’s an opportunity to say I take responsibility for the relationships that I’m in, because remember what I said earlier, men will do pretty much what they want to do and they’re going to do with you what you invite in or what you allow. A lot of times you don’t know how you’re inviting in these lower quality men. But that’s what we talked about, about seeing yourself as valuable and important enough that you invite time, that you invest time and energy in to you. And by energy, I’m talking about the measurable ways of measuring energy, of time and money. That’s the easy way to measure energy. How much energy are you putting into it? Right. So if the guy cheats, cheats and blames you for it, you didn’t cause that. But are you going to allow that? Is that really your ultimate goal is to have a man that cheats on you? And if it’s not being willing to say bye bye.

Speaker1: [00:40:45] That’s an act of self love. And then being willing to say, how did I create this? How did I invite this in? How did I establish that this was even a possibility? And what might I have done in the area that I’m responsible for? Not that you’re responsible for where he lays his head at night. But you picked that guy. You allowed yourself to be in a relationship with that guy. And most of the times you also ignored the red flags, usually because you didn’t have a clear decision making framework and you didn’t know what it took to decide this man’s a keeper versus this man is someone that I should throw back. Right. So. It is frustrating to see to be in a relationship with guys that are making sure that everything is your fault. But this is a great opportunity, Nicole and everyone, for you to look at. Where do I have responsibility and what can I do? Because waiting for them to change, you’re going to be waiting forever for things to change in your life. You must change now. Does it mean you have to become another person? No. Does it mean you have to be ten years younger? No. Does it mean you have to be £10 lighter? No. But you have to know how it is that you going back to that car analogy. If you drove the car into the ditch, how did I get into this ditch? Not because I’m going to blame myself and shame myself.

Speaker1: [00:42:24] And how did I do this? Because I have my hands on the steering wheel and somehow I ended up in this ditch. In other words, with this knucklehead guy, how did I do that? And looking at that of how you did that will give you the gift of power. We work with women that want to retain and regain their power in their life and in their relationship. You may have power at work when you’re like in your masculine doing the thing that you were trained to do. But do you have power in your relationships? We work with women sometimes at their bad asses doing, you know, doctors, lawyers, you know, executives like people doing things in their life professionally. But when it comes to their personal life. They’re not in charge at all and they’re not seeing how awesome they are. So what we do is help you see how much power you actually do have and then help and then teach you how to wield that power. Because having the power and not knowing how to wield it is almost like cruel. But you have power. You just have no idea how to wield it. All right. So all right, Nicole. And then Desiree had a question. And if you have a question here, go ahead and push type it in the comments there. And I’ll answer the question. How do you know you’re ready to try to date again, how to discern wanting someone for the right reasons instead of wanting someone because of loneliness.

Speaker1: [00:43:59] So that’s a great question. Desiree, in terms of trying to date again, what what you want to do is understand the it’s like. Understand the process of healthy, masculine, feminine dynamics to such a degree that you can actually spot a healthy, masculine, high quality man. This is what we do in our program is we actually teach you the difference between a low quality man and a high quality man. And we teach you the difference of how do I know when I am being a high quality, high value woman? Or when I have forgotten who I am and I’m treating myself as free, cheap and easy. So a lot of times what people do in thinking of, let’s say, working with a with a love coach like us, which is it’s not about dating, it’s about although that’s obviously there’s part of it. It’s about what? Lenses through which are you looking at men yourself? The mirror relationships love all of that because a lot of times people say, Well, I’ll go to a love coach once I get my personal life, you know, I got to work on myself first. That’s like saying I’ve got to get in shape. And I want to go to the gym, but I’ll wait until I’m in shape before I go to the gym. Going to the gym is how you get in shape or, you know, from home with a peloton or hydro or something like that.

Speaker1: [00:45:34] So. The idea is that learning how you tick is how you know when you’re ready to date again. If you feel shaky, if you feel nervous, if you feel scared, that’s telling you you’re not ready to date. Why? Because you’re not prepared for what it is that you want. You want this thing up there, but your preparation level is down here. And another way to think of it is you want. Some some job. Name some high falutin job. You want that. But you go on interview after interview and they say no. They say no. And finally, someone tells you why it is that you say no. They said no to you. Is it because you’re simply not qualified for this position that you’re applying for? You’re a nice person, but you’re simply not qualified for this position, so you can be mad at them. You can talk about how the system is messed up and men are messed up and why did this happen to me? You can do all of those things, you know, why did this happen to me? Like, why not you? Like who? Like is there someone you would rather this bad thing happen to? Like, it’s just this idea of, like, I didn’t get the job because of all these other reasons. None of that is going to help you.

Speaker1: [00:47:01] There’s only one thing that will help you get that job at that higher level that you simply weren’t qualified for. Get qualified. In other words, learn what you don’t know and get qualified for the position that you want. It’s a same thing in love. You want the guy who’s up there. The feedback you’re getting from men is that that guy up there, he’s not looking at you. He’s not coming around. He’s not in your orbit and you’re not in his orbit. Who’s in your orbit? The low quality guys. That’s who’s in your orbit. That’s who you see as possibilities, even though that’s not really what you want, but that’s who you see around you. And here’s the thing that’s who sees you as possible relationship material. Whereas in other words, they’re not seeing you and thinking who? She’s amazing, but she’s totally out of my league. That’s not just looks, ladies. That’s your beingness. You want to be out of the league of these knucklehead guys? You want to come across in such a way. Not stuck up or anything like that. But you want them to get the message and guys do get the message. If a if a woman is out of their league, it has nothing to do with looks. It has everything to do with her beingness. How she sees herself. So you want to get qualified for that next level relationship. That’s what we help people do. Get qualified for the relationship that you actually want deep down in your heart, not the one that with the knucklehead guys that are around you.

Speaker1: [00:48:46] I’m talking about deep down in your heart. What kind of relationship do you want? It’s a high quality relationship that the evidence has shown you, not just for a few weeks. You’ve been trying, not just for the last few months. You’ve been trying you’ve been trying for years to have that higher quality man and higher quality relationship, haven’t you? Well, if the feedback is that you’re not qualified for it, you can complain about that or you can get yourself qualified. And the reality is that it is harder than ever now for multiple reasons. Number one, as I talked about earlier, there’s a lot of guys out there that are man boys. Or Flow boys, they’re like not very masculine. And you’re like, Oh my God, I just feel like I’m hanging out with a girlfriend, which is fine if that’s all you want to do is have a buddy to hang out with. But if you really want to have a man and have a relationship, you’re going to want to have that masculine, feminine dynamic flowing. And if you’re in your masculine because you don’t know how to get into your feminine, you’re not radiant, you’re not magnetic, you’re not activating his masculinity. It’s just going to be not what you want. And, and what you want to do is look at what is the feedback that I’m getting and then what can I do about it? You know, that’s the thing is what can you do about it? Because the reality is that you have been trying this your way for probably more than a few weeks or months.

Speaker1: [00:50:23] It’s probably been years. And it’s harder now than ever because there’s all the knucklehead guys, there’s all the distraction, there’s information overload, and there’s frankly, there’s just less good quality guys. Not that you’re competing for these high quality men, but you’re competing with your best version of yourself. And there’s plenty of women out there that really don’t know how powerful they are. And we’ll sleep with the guy left and right now, they don’t even have to do much to do that. And so that is distracting to a man. And if you don’t now know how to grab his attention, I don’t mean like physically grab his attention, but if you don’t know how to be so magnetic and radiant that you make his head spin. He’s going to be distracted by the woman who’s throwing herself at him. And you miss him? He misses you because you didn’t put your hands firmly on the steering wheel of your life and your goals and actually be honest with yourself about what it is that you want. Again, not because you need a man. Again, you’ve already proven you don’t need a man, but because you want a man.

Speaker1: [00:51:28] Because you want to have someone to share your life with. Because you want to have passionate toe curling sex with someone who you love and who loves you. Someone who accepts you and who you accept. Right? This is what you want. You want to have someone to share your life with, to grow old with, to count on whether times are good or bad. When I’m about to break out into a song, what is it? Times are good or bad, happier set. Right? If that’s what you want, you have to be first honest with yourself that that is what you want. And then you have to make it a goal and you’ve got to treat it like any other goal. What can I do to get to that goal as quickly as possible so I can be as successful as possible with that goal? And you have to ignore society telling you that love. In other words, what you want. That’s not that important. That’s a low quality thing. That’s an afterthought of life. When the reality is and the research is crystal clear, that the number one determinant of your happiness and fulfillment in life. What is your primary romantic relationship? More so than money or lack thereof? More so than career success or lack thereof? More so even than health or lack thereof. Is your primary romantic relationship that will determine your happiness and fulfillment in life more than anything and everything else? So doesn’t it make sense to make that a goal? Focus on it, invest in it, and allow yourself to get qualified for the man, the relationship, the life that you want.

Speaker1: [00:53:13] Be successful in love as you are in every other area of your life that’s going to take some work, that’s going to take some focus, that’s going to take some energy. It doesn’t have to take over your whole life, but it has to be more than what you’re putting in now. And worrying about something doesn’t count as putting in time. Complaining about something doesn’t count as putting in time. Those things actually bring you further away from what it is that you want. All right. So I’m glad that you joined me here. I’m glad that you took the time to to explore this. I’m glad that you allowed yourself to devote some time to this area of your life. And and I want to encourage you to put your your learnings in this in the comments below. What were your ahas? What were your realizations? What were the biggest things that you got out of our little talk here together? And what are the the realizations that you had that a lot of times what women tell us is, I wish I had learned this in school or I wish I had learned this ten years ago. However old you are, there’s a woman who’s ten years younger than you and you probably want to tell her.

Speaker1: [00:54:36] Get started now. Get started now on making your goals, your true goals. A priority now again, career goals, financial goals, those are great. But if that’s all you have, that’s all you will ever have. If that’s all you have, that is all you are and that’s all you’ll ever be. If you want to have true love, marriage, family, if you want to be a happily married woman, if you want to be a wife, these things have to be a priority for you, not just a wife to anybody, but a wife to a man who you’re proud to call your husband. A man who you respect, a man who you are happy to bring around people. You know what I mean? Not the kind of relationship where you’re like, Oh, my God, we’re going to bring him out. My friends, I hope he doesn’t say something stupid. Not that, but the kind of relationship with a guy who you’re proud to be like, That’s my man. And he’s proud to say, You’re my woman if that’s really what you want. You can’t only have career and financial goals. You have to put some of that goal setting success, achieving focus on your love life, and you’ve got to treat it as if it matters because tick tock, it matters. Everybody’s getting older, nobody’s getting younger. And certain things in life are slipping through your fingers while you sit back and listen to society tell you, Hey, you woman who cares about true love marriage? That isn’t important.

Speaker1: [00:56:10] The longer you listen to that BS, the more you buy that story that all you are is a worker. B all you are is a a professional person. All you are is your credit score. If that’s what you believe, that you are successful in life. If you have your own nice house, a high credit score money in the bank, then if that’s all you’re measuring success by, and that is the measure of everything that is valuable for you, that’s all you will ever have. That’s all you will ever be. And the other thing you’ll be is lonely. Because if that’s all you’re focused on, then any relationship you get into has no relationship established or no relationship navigator. And so you have an aimless relationship. He doesn’t know what’s going on. You don’t know what’s going on. You are in like a bumper cars you’re steering, but ain’t nothing really happening and you’re just being bounced around all over the place. If you are ready to put your hands on the steering wheel of your life and take control of of your love life and actually achieve the goal of true love, marriage and family, you might want to talk to us. All right. So there’s plenty of opportunities for you to to to get connected with us. And if if you want to accelerate. Yes. Right now. Right now, despite all this that’s going on in the world right now, if you want to accelerate your path to your goal of true love, marriage and family, maybe time to stop trying to do it alone and get some help, get a team behind you, get success coaches that will allow you to have your version of a championship ring, right? The wedding ring, your version of a championship trophy.

Speaker1: [00:58:02] Being in the relationship that all of your friends are envious of, maybe the cool ones are cheering you on, but the rest of them, they’re kind of envious and saying, Why her? Why not me? And you need to know that you deserve to have love and you are the prize, but you’re not the prize. Just because you say you’re the prize. You’re the prize because you treat yourself like the prize. Self love means doing what will make you feel good about yourself and have long term positive implications in your life. Long term. All of us would love, or most of us would love to be eating cookies and ice cream pretty much every day. But the reason why we don’t is because we don’t like the way we feel long term. Right. Five cookies and ice cream every day. I’m not going to feel good next week. Next month, next year. Right. That’s why we don’t do it. And so the emotional maturity comes in recognizing, hey, I want to achieve a certain goal. I’ve got to put forth some time, some energy, some attention, some money into this goal in order to bring my dreams to fruition, because I actually care about my dreams.

Speaker1: [00:59:09] No man can find you more worthy than you find yourself worthy. No man can find you more valuable than you find yourself valuable. No man can make you feel good about yourself if you don’t first feel good about yourself. Everything that our programs are about is about you loving you and then you being able to recognize a man who will love you at the level in the way that you want. But it first comes with you valuing yourself and being willing to devote yourself to learn about how you tick and how do high quality men think, and how can you be the high quality woman that meets him at that level? And you’re qualified for that job that you want, qualified for that relationship that you want, qualified for that man that you want. Because another relationship at the same level is more likely than not to happen if you keep doing the same stuff for your life to change. You got to change in order for you to have something you never had before. You’ve got to be someone you never been before. That’s what we call stepping into being a loved warrior. So hope you’ve enjoyed our time together. It’s been great again. Post down there. What are your biggest realizations, your biggest aha moments from this and I’ll see you next time in another episode of What’s Going On in Your Love Life and What Can We Do About It? Bye for now.

Speaker1: [01:00:39] Hey, thanks for tuning in to today’s episode. If you’re a single professional woman who wants your success in your love life to match your success in your career, and you’re looking to get crystal clear right now about why true love hasn’t been knocking on your door and how to have that happen sooner rather than later. Like, not literally though, that would be weird, but I hope you know what I’m saying. Anyway, you’re going to want to book a call, a love breakthrough clarity call right now with my dear wife, Dr. Laura. Yes. Laura herself will get on the phone or Skype with you one on one to assess exactly what’s been holding you back and love what it is you really want and how to get there as quickly as possible. Just go to single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book a call that single to soulmate dot com forward slash call for free love breakthrough clarity call that is for you if and only if you’re a single professional woman who is as serious about her love life right now as you’ve been about getting your degree or your career success. So again, that’s single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book your life changing love. Breakthrough Clarity. Call right away.

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Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.