Not all advice is good advice! When trying to find love you’ll come across advice everywhere, from your family and friends to the media, but honestly, most common ‘wisdom’ on love is either outdated or just plain wrong. So what’s so bad about it? Listen to this episode to find out why what you’ve been hearing is wrong and what to do instead.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

– Why you should be careful with the advice you get

– The difference between good love advice and bad love advice

– How proper guidance in love can be life changing

WANT TO BETTER UNDERSTAND YOURSELF IN JUST 2 MINUTES?

After over 17 years of helping hundreds of women find their soulmates, we’ve identified 5 different Love Patterns, each with different characteristics that can keep you from finding true love.

Find what your Love Pattern is and what to do about it by taking our free, 2-minute quiz. Just go to http://singletosoulmate.com/quiz, discover your Love Pattern, and learn what changes you can make starting TODAY.

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Episode Transcription Start —>
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Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to Single The Soulmate Podcast, where we help you the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate Living the life of your dreams. I want you to think about the the weather you’ve ever had the experience of. You have a guy who you think is awesome and it turns out that he goes to you or he sleeps with you, and then just things fall off pretty quickly. Or you have a guy that you go out with and then you find out he’s got a second family or he’s, you know, something like that, or he steals from you or lies terribly and you just didn’t see it. What that means is that your decision making framework is not solid. And when you’re picking up tips or advice from just anyone, you’re not able to see into the reality of how whether they have the results or not actually impacts the tips or advice or opinions that they’re giving. Think of it this way If someone was obese or out of shape, would you think that their advice about fitness or health is just the same as their as the advice from someone who is fit and in shape? I hope you wouldn’t think that. It doesn’t mean that the person who’s obese and out of shape doesn’t have good ideas. It’s just that they simply cannot have full ownership of the information that really works.

Speaker1: [00:01:43] Otherwise they would do it on themself. Right? If you’re looking to build wealth, do you ask your broke friends for that? No. You ask the person who has what it is that you want, right? By the same token, if someone is single, look, there’s a lot of dating coaches out there that are single and and they think that that has no bearing on their understanding of how to get you into a marriage. There are dating coaches out there that will say, well, I can help you, but I happen to be single by choice. Or I remember hearing one who said I’m single now because I’m having too much fun. It’s like, Wait, so you’re saying when you’re done having fun and you’re ready to live a life of less fun, that’s when to get married? You don’t think that that’s going to affect the kind of information and advice that that person is going to give you, which is when you’re ready to settle down and stop having fun, then you’re going to get married. This is this is the advice from someone who has no full understanding of what it is that they’re talking about, No matter how many books they have, they’ve read, no matter how many certifications they’ve read, anything like certifications, they have anything like that. If you have a certification on your wall that says you are certified to coach someone to find love but you don’t have love yourself, then it is merely theory to you.

Speaker1: [00:03:18] Look, I have watched a lot of NBA basketball. I actually know a lot about what players need to do to improve and stuff like that. But in order to take advice from me about it, I should probably have more understanding of what it’s like. I’ve never climbed up Mt. Everest. Do you want someone who’s climbed up Mt. Everest to guide you, to personally guide you up mount Everest, or do you do you want someone who’s never done it but is read books and has a fancy certification on their wall? Or do you want someone who’s actually climbed up Mt. Everest and taken other people up Mt. Everest? Right. Like don’t ask your broke friends about how to make money, build. Well, stuff like that. Don’t ask your out-of-shape friends how to get fit and healthy. And by the same token, don’t ask someone who is single themselves how to find love because it is simply theory to them. And and the idea that that a dating coach who isn’t happily married themselves can give you advice about finding true love and marriage simply doesn’t understand that how you start the dating relationship has everything to do with where it goes because you are the relationship established and you are the relationship navigator. And if you don’t know what you’re doing about establishing the relationship, you are already on your way to a completely different destination than someone who does know how to establish that relationship.

Speaker1: [00:05:03] The other thing is the idea that opinions or like gathering different opinions or gathering different information. This is all part of number two, that that what you really want to do is gather a bunch of. Formation, and then you decide what is the right way to go for you in order to find true love, marriage and family. Here’s the thing. Your thinking process, not just what has happened to you in your life, but your thinking process has landed you where you are. So if you’re not happy with where you are, it is part and parcel of your thinking process, your decision making framework. So you gathering more information is going to do one thing. It’s going to overwhelm you. Do you feel like you’re having information overwhelm you? Watch this video, you listen to that podcast, you read this blog, you read that book, you go to YouTube, you gather a bunch of information. But the way you are synthesizing that information is is making you exhausted and making you tired because you’re just an information gathering stage. Now, 100 years ago, information gathering might have been a great approach because there wasn’t a lot of information out there about whatever. Now, there’s a zillion pieces of information about everything.

Speaker1: [00:06:28] Information gathering is not what it takes. It is actually having hand-holding and being able to ask questions in real time as you’re gathering the information. This is why, although all of us know that there’s tons of information out there about healthy diet, exercise, fitness, all of that stuff, if it were just about information, all of us would be super healthy, super fit. And while we’re at it, super wealthy and all of that stuff because the information is abundant. But it is the ideas of what to apply in what order to your specific situation in your life and your circumstances. Right now, that is of higher value than just information. Gathering more information does nothing for you. In fact, it brings you to information overload and gives you information like analysis paralysis because you don’t know what to do with all that information. Right. Again, 100 years ago, maybe you could read all the books about any topic that you want. Now, you cannot possibly consume all of the information about any topic. And let’s talk specifically now about love dating and relationships. You couldn’t possibly gather and synthesize all of the information. This is why having a guide, a mentor who knows what information is relevant to you right now, given your specific particular circumstances and place your at in your life is invaluable. Because you don’t have enough time to gather all the information, synthesize it, try it out in your life, see if it works, see if it doesn’t work.

Speaker1: [00:08:23] Toss this idea. You don’t have enough time to do that now. And you probably have been doing that approach for years. And if that is your approach, which is I’m going to just gather a bunch of information, I’m going to take tips and advice from anybody, it doesn’t matter if they have the results or not. It it it leaves you feeling exhausted. It leaves you feeling overwhelmed. And it doesn’t recognize that that met mastery in mentorship and application of information is far more valuable today than it was 50 or 100 years ago. You might be familiar with Malcolm Gladwell. He popularized the research that it takes ten years and 10000 hours to develop mastery over something. And so it’s deliberate practice and doing the thing for over ten years. And so if someone is doing something for less than ten years and less than 10000 hours, it means that they’re practicing doing the thing so they can get to the place of mastery. So that means if you’re if you’re getting dating advice from someone who’s been doing it for less than ten years and 10000 hours means they’re practicing on you and they’re practicing on your life and you probably don’t have time to waste while they kind of figure out what does it take for for mastery. And again, looking at if they don’t have the results, then it is simply theory to them.

Speaker1: [00:09:59] And you don’t. You might as well just ask your friend what they think about whatever because everybody’s got an opinion. But whether they have the results or not should determine whether you are whether it makes sense to actually listen to their opinion. Like we don’t give people opinions in our programs. We give them our research and experience based facts of what works versus what doesn’t based on the individual person’s specific situation in their life. Do single moms need different sets of information and guidance than someone who doesn’t have kids yet but wants kids? Absolutely. That’s why in our programs, we answer questions one at a time for based on the individual woman’s situation and her life circumstances, because that stuff matters, because there are some things that you as a single mom, really should be focused on and some things say you really shouldn’t. This is a little bit of an aside, but how even your parenting has a lot to do with your love, life and relationship life and often how your parenting interferes tremendously with your love life. And you don’t even realize that it’s that it’s doing that. This is why we offer also, we give our clients parenting coaching if they’re a single mom, because how they date is going to be different than someone who’s not a single mom and how they parent can be doing everything to like pull back their success in in love and relationships.

Speaker1: [00:11:38] Hey, thanks for tuning in to today’s episode. If you’re a single professional woman who wants your success in your love life to match your success in your career, and you’re looking to get crystal clear right now about why true love hasn’t been knocking on your door and how to have that happen sooner rather than later. Like, not literally, though that would be weird, but I hope you know what I’m saying. Anyway, you’re going to want a book, a call, a love breakthrough clarity call right now with my dear wife, Dr. Lara. Yes. Lara herself will get on the phone or Skype with you one on one to assess exactly what’s been holding you back and love what it is you really want and how to get there as quickly as possible. Just go to single to soulmate dot com forward slash call to book a call that single to soulmate dot com forward slash call for free love breakthrough clarity call that is for you if and only if you’re a single professional woman who is as serious about her love life right now as you’ve been about getting your degree or your career success. So again that’s single soulmate dot com forward slash call to book your life changing love breakthrough clarity call right away.

Episode Transcription End —>

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate, brought to you by Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.