Do you feel like a powerhouse at work, but when it comes to love, you’re the COMPLETE opposite? You may be confident at work, but your insecurities have taken over your love life, and you have no idea what to do. Sounds like you? This episode is for you.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

– The difference between confidence at work and confidence in love

– How to overcome those insecurities and show up as your MOST confident self in love

READY TO CHANGE YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR THE BETTER, FOREVER?

If you’re ready for the first step towards major transformation & true love at last, head over to https://singletosoulmate.com/call to book a FREE 1-on-1 call with Lara herself. She’ll assess exactly what’s been holding you back in love, how to get what you REALLY want, and if or how we can help you get it as quickly as possible.

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Episode Transcription Start —>
S6EP80

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to Single to Soulmate podcast where we help you the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate Living the life of your dreams. Hello and welcome to this episode. We’re going to be talking today about your confidence at work and why it doesn’t show up so much in your love life. All right. So let’s talk about first about who you are, right? So you’re a professional woman, you’re secure, you’re confident at work, and you feel good about yourself. You’re whatever you have a college degree profession. Maybe you’re a doctor or a lawyer. I don’t know. Right. But you’re managing people. You’re getting things done, you know, stuff like that at at work and you feel confident. And then you come into your personal life and you’re wondering why is it that I don’t feel confident? Why do I feel, you know, maybe insecure about about dating, about, you know, talking to the man that I really like where I don’t have any problem, talking to the guy who I don’t like at all. And and why is it that the guys that I really like, they seem to go away and the guys that I don’t like seem to come forward? Because here’s the thing. If you’re feeling stressed and worried about your your love life or lack thereof, the duds that keep showing up or the nobody that keeps showing up or the Friday nights alone, or you’re worried about whether you’re ever going to really have that family.

Speaker1: [00:01:42] They’ve always wanted you past your 35th birthday, maybe past your 38th birthday, and you’re like, Hey, I want a family, and you’re stressed and worried about that, or you’re past all that and you’re just thinking about and worried about growing old alone and and you’re like, well, if the next ten years are like the last ten years, this is this is, you know, nothing. Bill, Right? Nothing that you want. And so all of that is is going on, the insecurity, the stress, the worry, or maybe you feel indignant. You’re like, I don’t need a man, you know. And that’s true. But your heart keeps saying, but I want a man, you know, I want to have a relationship. I want to have someone to share life with. I want to have a man to come home to. Like I have this nice house and everything. I have a big, successful day at work. Sign up. A lot of clients, manage it, get a new project, whatever it is, and I’ve got nobody to share it with, you know? Not that you don’t like sharing it with your girlfriends, but you’d like to be able to come home, you know, have a have a celebratory glass of wine, or maybe you have a really rough day at work and you want to have somebody to come home to a man to say, Hey, sweetie, let me pour you a glass of wine, Put your feet up, and why don’t you tell me about the day? And that’s not happening.

Speaker1: [00:03:02] And you’re seeing that that’s not happening day after day, year after year, in some cases decade after decade. And you’re worried about that in the future. So here’s the thing. What your what you’re conveying isn’t the confident woman at work who’s got all our stuff together. What you’re conveying is insecurity. What you’re conveying is I don’t really know how to proceed with this dating process because, you know, I don’t want to do what I see some people doing or maybe what you’ve done before, where you kind of get into a situation ship or or a hookup and hope it turns into more. You want to you want to do things differently, but you’re not sure how. And the big thing first is to recognize that the more you get honest with yourself about what you really want and what you’re concerned about, and the more you realize that men can tell, then you start to move into a certain a higher level of awareness. Because if you’re thinking Men can’t tell that I’m insecure or men can’t tell that I’m worried about my future, or men can’t tell that I’m overcompensating by for my insecurity by telling him how successful I am and how you know this. I have this title at work or whatever. Men can’t tell these things. What’s happening is you’re not really present to the fact that men may not be able to say what it is that they can tell, but they can tell something’s a little bit off.

Speaker1: [00:04:41] They can tell that you’re not prepared to be in a high quality, high functioning relationship. And they can tell that you’re not prepared to be a wife. And so that that doesn’t mean you’re not a good person. All right. So let me just say that you are a good person and it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be in a high quality relationship. The question is, are you prepared for that? The question is, are you prepared for what it is that you say that you want to have a high functioning, high quality relationship where you’re open about your your feelings, you’re open about what you’ve overcome. You’re. You’re able to converse with each other now. You may sit here and say, Well, of course I’m ready for that. I’ve read all these books and done all this stuff. But here’s the thing. The reality is your results are going to show you whether you’re ready or not. And if your results are a dud, a cheater, a player, a guy who who I’m not so proud about or nobody for months and months and months and years and years and years, then the results are telling you you’re not really ready for that. And that, again, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Speaker1: [00:05:50] It just means that you haven’t prepared probably the way you prepared for your your career. Right. When you were in high school, you focused on, hey, got to get into a good college. When you’re in college, you focus on, hey, got to graduate. Maybe you went for your master’s degree or doctorate degree. You’re like, Hey, got to get that done. And then you got out and it’s like, Oh, dating men. I was supposed to not pay attention to men, and now I’m supposed to pay attention to men, but I’m also supposed to pay attention to my career. And and so what’s funny is that and I’m just I’m not laughing at anybody. It’s just is is comical when you think about it. Some people are like, well, I can’t focus on on love. I have to work. And it’s like, wait is the only way to get love to like, be what, unemployed on disability? That’s not going to work. So of course you got to work and and focus on your career. It’s just that where do you place your career versus your love life? So if your career is up here and your love life is an afterthought, how’s that working? I mean, think about it. If you made your career an afterthought and if you were in college and you were like grade maids, I got to go out to clubs and drink and we all have friends like that. And they didn’t graduate college, right? Or maybe I remember when I I’m a lawyer, I took the bar exam and passed the bar exam in New York and New Jersey.

Speaker1: [00:07:17] And I remember some friends from law school there graduated law school. Right. And they’re studying for the bar exam. And they’re calling me up, asking me, Hey, you want to go to the movies? I’m like, Aren’t you studying for the bar exam? Yeah, but I need to, you know, blow off some steam and do this and stuff. I remember two friends in particular who just didn’t take it as seriously as I took it. One of them had to take it five times, Another one had to take it twice in order to to get in. And so the results were that these guys weren’t taking it as seriously as someone like me was, where I was taking it seriously from the beginning. And I devoted myself to it so that I would never have to think about it again. And so it’s just a matter of your career is a certain amount of importance. And so if you make your love life somewhat in the same ballpark, in the same neighborhood, right, then you’re going to start to see the results change. So if your preparation for like for the bar exam, I prepared by taking a class by someone who had what I wanted and had helped other people pass the bar exam. So if your preparation is the cheapest, easiest, least investment of time, energy and money, then what you’re saying is my career is up here and this is like a low level afterthought down here, right? So if you’re listening to this, I got my hands up high and then, you know, my hands down low for what it is and what it is that you’re you’re doing.

Speaker1: [00:08:50] So a book is is great. I love books and stuff, but a book is like 20 bucks. If something gets hard, you just skip over that or you you say, Oh, I already know that and you’re not really challenged to grow away from it evolved past what simply isn’t working and a book. You can’t ask a question to a book and a book can’t see you and say, Hey, I noticed this about you and this is why it’s super important for you to recognize that, that if you’re honest with yourself, men can tell that you’re not prepared. So get prepared. It’s just like my friends who showed up at the bar exam. Like, I’m going to get the bar exam. Why? Because I graduated law school. I’m going to pass the bar exam. And it’s like, No, you’re not prepared. You were kind of not that you’re a bad person, not that you didn’t study, but you didn’t make it a high enough priority in order for you to pass. Now, is it true that some people pass the bar exam by barely studying, And for sure.

Speaker1: [00:09:47] But if you failed, then you’re not one of those people. And so when you think about is it does it happen that some people, they don’t do any preparation for for their love life and just lands on them like you walking down the street, boom, they run into somebody or they’re in the Whole Foods and they, you know, we’re both picking up, I don’t know, you know, avocados or something. And then a conversation starts, Oh, it just happened randomly. That’s right. But that hasn’t happened for you yet. And so it’s just like some people. When the lottery and they’re become multimillionaires overnight. But if that’s not you, that probably shouldn’t be your plan. Some people get lucky and love and they just happen to run into somebody at Whole Foods or at the parking lot or at work and OC. But if that hasn’t happened for you, then then you’re like the person who couldn’t just show up for an exam and pass it without any preparation. You’re like most of us, you got to prepare and you got to prepare seriously because that insecurity, that worry about your future, it’s reeking from you. It’s oozing out of your pores. It’s it’s in how you talk, It’s what you say, it’s what you don’t say. It’s how you move. It’s how you look at him. It’s how you don’t look at him. It’s the things you say. It’s the things you do.

Speaker1: [00:11:06] It’s the way you progress the dating process. All of that screams insecurity or confidence. Our clients get prepared and then they’re confident. And that doesn’t mean that they’re confident the way they are at work. That’s a different type of confidence. And that confidence has been well earned because you have put in the time, you’ve put in the energy, you’ve put in the effort, you put in the resources, you’ve you’ve prepared yourself to be that confident at work. And yet you’re thinking, I’ll just not prepare myself and be this confident in my love life, and it’s probably not working. So men can tell how insecure you are. Men can tell how you’re worried about things. Men can tell that you’re frickin pissed. Men can tell that you’re pissed at them. Men can tell that you’re pissed at all men because your ex did this or that or this guy on TV or or the news did this or that. Man can tell that as well. And you don’t want to be that. I mean, of course, if your ex did something bad, you can be pissed at him. If somebody on TV did something that you don’t approve, but you could be pissed at them. But what happens is it’s reeking everywhere and you’re pissed at you find so many women get pissed at like all men and men can tell that you’re basically 5 minutes before we’re just talking shit about all men are this or all men are that.

Speaker1: [00:12:32] And then you show up to them and try to put on a face of being happy and they can tell that you’re basically just waiting for them to screw up. And then. And then you’re going to attack them or dismiss them or, you know, whatever. You end things with them in a in a in a way that that kind of confirms your your bias. And so this is about allowing you to recognize that men can tell where you’re at. Men can tell when you’re not confident, men can tell when you’re not prepared. And by the way, I’m not talking about all men. I’m talking about the high quality man that you really want to be with because the dud guys, the loser guys, the ho hum guys, maybe they can’t tell that because they ain’t nothing special themselves. But if you’re someone special, you feel like I have it all. The only thing missing is my sweetheart. The only thing missing is my relationship life. And like, if you could look at, like, a seesaw, like your. Your professional life is up here, but your work life, your love life is like the opposite. It’s like at the bottom. And what you really want is for both to be up so you can have it all right? If the only thing missing is your sweetheart, then the man in your life that doesn’t make you a bad person doesn’t mean that you need a man.

Speaker1: [00:13:49] But if you are honest with yourself and you want a man, you want a relationship, you want a family, then you got to recognize that he can tell that you’re not really prepared and then do something about it. All right. So I would invite you to take a look at our master class, The five step game plan for women that are professional and confident and secure work and and want to be confident and secure in their love life. It’s a five step game plan to go from single to soulmate. And I’ll put the link somewhere here so you can take a look at it. It’s completely free. But here’s the thing. If you approach it like like where you’re looking for like it’s a long one, it’s almost like an hour. And so if you approach it like, Oh, that’s too much time. I don’t want to watch a whole thing. It’s almost an hour. I don’t want to I don’t want to watch that. Then what you’re saying is your love life just isn’t worth investing more than the minimal amount in of time, of energy or resources, whatever. And then you’re going to keep getting the minimal amount, you’re going to keep getting the results that you have always gotten. This is an opportunity for you to say, you know what? What I’ve been doing hasn’t been working and and I’m going to try something new. I’m actually going to watch this masterclass and be focused on it.

Speaker1: [00:15:13] Don’t be like watching TV over here texting your. Friends over there, like actually allow yourself to sit there in front of the computer and be focused on it and allow yourself to say, You know what? If I’m honest with myself, this actually matters to me. Isn’t that like almost like you’re almost like telling a secret, right? That it matters to you that you actually want true love. Marriage, family. You want to have a child or children of your own. Or if you have a child or children, you want them to have a father in the home. It’s almost like, oh, let me not, you know, reveal myself as someone who wants to have a family, but as a woman who wants to have a man in her life, not just any man you can already get just any man. But if you want to have someone special, you want to have a special man who you can rely on, you can grow old with who you can create new memories with, share your life with. I’m sure that that trip to to London was fun, but wouldn’t it be more fun with your sweetheart? That trip to Paris, the trip to Greece? Like, wouldn’t that be more fun with your sweetheart? Of course it would. Right? Someone. It’s someone to share with and someone to show you things that you haven’t thought about before, that you haven’t experienced before.

Speaker1: [00:16:24] Because as a as a is a successful woman who’s educated and got a career and stuff like that, who are you going to attract? Who do you want to attract? A man who is successful? This is what our clients do. We show them, Look, if you want to be as successful in your love life as you are in your work or your business or things like that, you’ve got to treat it like it’s important. And then you prepare the same way you do for anything else. So I invite you to check out the Masterclass five Step game plan to go from Single to Soulmate and and remember whatever is going on inside of you, men can tell, so you might as well address it. All right. We’ll be enjoyed this episode. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye bye. Thank you for joining us on Single to Soulmate. And listen, if you’re ready to move your life forward in a significant way, you’re going to want to check out our brand new masterclass. We’re giving you the five step game plan that you need to go from single to soulmate. All you have to do is go to singletosoulmate.com/call forward slash learn that Single to Soulmate dotcom forward slash l e a r n learn and sign up for the masterclass. You’ll get a 24 hour exclusive pass to to watch that and learn your five steps to go from single to soulmate faster than you ever thought possible. Enjoy.

Episode Transcription End —>

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate, brought to you by Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.