Being a single mom is a big challenge. You definitely have to do a lot more than if your kids father was there as well. It can be so challenging that having time for love can be very challenging. So what can you do to give yourself a second chance at love?

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

– Why you should give yourself a chance at love as a single mom

– How it’s important for your kids as well

– What changes when you have a father figure in the house

READY TO CHANGE YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR THE BETTER, FOREVER?

If you’re ready for the first step towards major transformation & true love at last, head over to https://singletosoulmate.com/call to book a FREE 1-on-1 call with Lara herself. She’ll assess exactly what’s been holding you back in love, how to get what you REALLY want, and if or how we can help you get it as quickly as possible.

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Episode Transcription Start —>
S6EP89

Speaker1: [00:00:03] Hello and welcome to Single to Soulmate podcast where we help you the love warrior or love word to be to go from single to with your soulmate Living the life of your dreams. Hello. If you’re a single mom, today’s episode is just for you. So let’s talk about what is it like being a single mom? I was raised by a single mom, so I know some of what it’s about, but obviously I’m not a mom. Right. But this is what I know from working with single moms for over 17 years and Laura and I’s coaching. Now you’re you’re you have the desire and the the work that you put in to raise your child or children the best that you possibly can. But at the same time, you’re feeling probably exhausted and stressed and the pressure of having everything on you and, you know, you love your child or children, but you also have a very real awareness that your first choice of a man, you know, your child or children’s father is probably not the best one for you and maybe a downright terrible choice. And so, you know, you live with the reality of that every day, even though obviously you love your your your child or your children. Right. But you don’t want to make that mistake again. And so this leads you to kind of like the biggest mistake of all as far as your children are concerned, which is staying single, being committed to staying single forever, because you’re looking at either I pick a guy like that and guy that was terrible and might as well just be alone or I just am alone.

Speaker1: [00:01:50] And so let’s go back to talking about what’s best for your your your children. Girls and boys need a father in the home. Now, I know that’s controversial today to even say that, but they are definitely served best by having a father in the home. And of course, not any father. Right? Not a knucklehead guy, not a loser, not a you know, just a guy who you basically is like another kid. And I’m talking about having a father that they can love and respect and look up to someone who will father them and as if they’re his own right. Because here’s the reality. Even more controversial is that mothers can’t father and fathers can’t mother. Now, of course, children need love, so it’s not a choice of love or no love. It’s a choice of what would be ideal for the child, what would be optimum for your children. And obviously, you don’t want to just have any old guy there. But since fathers can’t mother and mothers can’t father, then we’re talking about is it better that they be with just you by yourself versus being with an asshole, a jerk, a narcissist, a man boy? All of that, of course, is better. They be alone. But in you doing everything and missing out on the opportunity of them having a father in the home, well, then that’s not ideal.

Speaker1: [00:03:18] So we’re talking about what’s the best thing for your son or daughter or your your children. Is it better that they be with you alone, or is it better that they have that you have a husband, a high quality man who is happy to be their bonus dad, stepdad and will treat them like his own right? Love you, cherish you, adore you, respect you and be a man that they could respect what’s better, right? It’s better that they have someone there. And so there are stuff in raising children that really only moms can do, you know, And or moms would be way better at doing so. Like I’m a I’m a father of a of a daughter. And when she was, you know, coming of age and started to have her cycle, it’s really a lot better that her mom talked to her about that. So I don’t have to do that because that’s something that a mom would be really best suited for. But there was other things in raising her that I was best suited for, whether that be just helping her see her self worth and not in a in a man or in her looks or anything like that, but devoting father daughter time to her and and letting her know that she’s valuable and she’s important. So therefore she’s not later going to be seeking her her validation herself worth in a man because she has a man who loves her and who she can look up to and respect.

Speaker1: [00:04:51] So. So girls need that. They they need to have that. And maybe you didn’t have that yourself, but that’s something that that girls do need, just like boys need to have an example of how to be a man in the home, raising them day to day, seeing the man get up, go to work, provide for his family, treat this, his his mom, his wife, well, you know, that kind of thing. They need to feel girls and boys need to feel real healthy love, you know? Otherwise, like for girls, they’ll be seeking it in boys and in sex and getting validation for boys. They’ll they’ll buy into, you know, a lot of the things that the culture tells them is this is what it’s like to be a man instead of really having emotional regulation and ability to be strong and tender. They won’t see that. So they won’t know how to be that. And I’m not going to get into all the statistics, but you can look at whether it be suicides has access to to sex. All the statistics show that children are far better off with fathers in the home, and a father in the home positively influences a children’s, a child’s chances of success and happiness in life dramatically. So what does that mean for you as a single moms? That means you’re not doing a good job.

Speaker1: [00:06:14] No. Absolutely. Remember what I said. I was raised by a single mom. Well, single. But then there was abuse by my stepfather. My mother and father divorced when I was really, really young. But so I’m not saying that that is not that you’re not doing a good job. And it’s it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s just that fathers can’t mother and mothers can’t. Father. So let’s go back to this again. So. So you chose maybe badly before, right? So your children’s father, obviously, you’re grateful for your your child or children, but you chose badly before. Maybe you’re confused about men. You got duped before you thought he was one thing and something else. And so you want to protect your child from that again. And that’s awesome. And at the same time, you’re tired because everything is on you, Right? And the older your your kids get, the more pressure there’s going to be for you to be both mom and dad at things that are that are really out of your realm because mothers can’t father and fathers can’t mother. Right. And so leads to more exhaustion, more pressure, more guilt. Right. About the divorce. Why didn’t I pick better, you know, that kind of thing. And a lot of fear. A lot of fear. And again, all while you’re still loving your child, doing the absolute best that you can. So here’s the thing. Well, here’s a few things we already talked about. Mothers can’t, father right and fathers can.

Speaker1: [00:07:48] Mother So is is the only alternative to be single forever. Well, here’s the thing. You’re giving your child an suboptimal upbringing and you’re giving your children a what’s the opposite of a leg up, like a leg down in terms of their success, happiness and fulfillment in life, in their work, in their mental health and wellness, in their physical health and wellness, in their their their financial opportunities for success and in relationships. So if your only answer if the only thing your child or children have seen is a bad relationship and then no relationship, what do you think are the chances that they’re ever going to get into a good relationship? Because kids don’t do what we say. They do what we do, right? Like you can’t tell your kid to eat your broccoli and you’re sitting there eating, you know, hot Cheetos. It’s just not going to it’s not going to work. Right. They do what you do. And so what what’s the thing that would that would change this is to learn how to choose better for yourself, how to choose a better man for yourself, how to be both attracted to that better quality man and attractive to that better quality man for yourself and for your child or children. Because the pressure on on your children also ends up being greater when you’re a single mom because there’s an unspoken pressure to make you happy. And that’s unfair, right? And it leaves you both worse off because if you don’t have a relationship, you don’t have a personal life outside of your work and parenting them, then what are they seeing? They’re seeing you sacrifice.

Speaker1: [00:09:44] And I understand that parenting is is sacrifice. There’s definitely some sacrifice. But when you have no personal life, then that sacrifice becomes too great. And they feel a guilt to to kind of like make you happy in some way, shape or form. And that’s a lot of pressure on them and it’s kind of unfair for them. And you’re not asking them to do that, of course, but it’s there nevertheless. So can your child live well, succeed and thrive without a father in the home whom they can live? Look. Up to and respect and love. Yes. Can people survive trauma, abuse, neglect, poverty? Yes. But should they should they endure that when they don’t have to? So the same with you. So when you think about, yes, they can do that, but should they do that when something else is possible? That’s what we’re talking about here, that something else actually is possible for them and for you. See, if you took the same you who picked their father. You know, if we are generous, just not a match. But if we’re kind of honest, sometimes it’s like, what the heck was I thinking? Right? If you take the same view, the same skills, the same understanding of men, the same understanding of masculine feminine dynamics, and you just keep doing that again.

Speaker1: [00:11:06] Well, of course you’re going to pick somebody else who’s not not so great. And you know better to be alone than that. But then your child or children are going to have to endure being set up with a suboptimal family environment. No example of what real manhood and real husband, father, husband, wife, masculine feminine dynamics is really like. And. And they will be, again, according to statistics across society, more likely to have mental health problems, more likely to have sex issues, more likely even end up in jail, more likely to be in poverty. All of those things. Again, I’m not going to detail all of the statistics about that. But what if you could choose better? Now, isn’t that a good question? Right? What if you could choose better and a better man, a father, a leader, someone who would cherish you, adore you, provide for you, protect for you. If you want that, then the challenge is to learn how to do that for yourself and for your child. So how can you have that? That’s really the question, right? How can you have that for yourself when in the past you didn’t have anything like that? Right. So this is about asking yourself the question, how could you choose better now if the answer was out there in conventional current wisdom? Well, then you probably are not going to be watching or listening to this episode right now because you’re going to be cuddling with your husband, planning day trips for you and your your child and, you know, him being the awesome stepdad.

Speaker1: [00:12:48] You’re going to be doing those things. But we’re having this conversation sort of here today because that’s not your reality. So the information that you’ve seen out there, the current the conventional current current conventional wisdom is not providing you the answers of what it is that it will take to choose different and better. So you need what’s called an upgrade of your decision making framework. In other words, how do you make decisions about the man who is interesting to you? Who is attractive to you? In our Premium Advanced program, it’s a love mentoring program called True Love At Last, we give you a completely new way to make decisions about men, about yourself, about your life. And the reason is because how you do anything is how you do everything. And all of these things are connected because you didn’t arrive where you’re at again. You love your your child, your children, but you didn’t arrive where you’re at by just one decision. It was a series of decisions that were based on a probably unknown decision making framework. And so it’s time to really upgrade your decision making framework, specifically when it comes to men and the masculine feminine dynamic. And since Laura and I, as the co founders of the Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute, we mentor and coach women, single professional women from all around the world to upgrade their decision making framework and put themselves in a position to be able to be attractive to a higher quality man and attract dead to a high quality man.

Speaker1: [00:14:32] And you think, Well, of course I’m attracted to a higher quality man. But the truth is that that most of the time you’re actually not even attracted to the high quality man that you want. You’re more attracted to the low quality guy that is more familiar to you and what you’ve seen all around. Same thing is going to happen to your child if they don’t have an example of that because it’s going to feel more familiar to them. So this is about upgrading who you are attracted to, who you are attractive to, and allowing yourself to do that authentically with no games, no settling, because again, it’s so it’s so important for you not to settle, but you have to recognize that just wanting to not settle is not enough, right? Just wanting to not. Saddle is not enough. So as a single mom, recognizing that you’re choosing in a partner to date to get into a relationship with to marry, you’re choosing, of course. And again, I know that you know this. You’re choosing your child’s step father. So the pressure there is real. So I didn’t make that up. I’m not making that up. You feel it, You know that. But the only answer is not just let me just stay away from these guys.

Speaker1: [00:15:44] The the the superior answer for your child is actually let me learn how to upgrade my decision making framework. My, my picker. Right. My, my judgment, my evaluation of men and my attractiveness now, before you get upset about attractiveness, is not about wearing a red dress or losing £10 or anything like that. It’s about understanding masculine feminine dynamics so that you can actually be attractive to a high quality, masculine man. And look, we know what it’s like out there. We know that there is more man boys, you know, guys that are like, Oh my God, it’s like raising another kid here, right? We know that there’s those low ambition men out there. We know that there’s guys that that don’t really understand masculine and feminine dynamics. We know that there’s guys out there that all they want is sex. The real question is why are those the guys that you’re attracting? Why are those the guys that you’re running into and why are you not running into the guys who our clients end up seeing, which is like high quality men? It doesn’t mean that the knucklehead guys stop existing. They still exist. But it’s it’s it’s where you’re not. That’s not all you see. And right now, maybe that’s all you’re you’re seeing. So I want to invite you to to join us for a a master class. It’s about an hour it’s a five step game plan where you’re going to have a real opportunity to see step by step what it takes to really upgrade your your entire experience around relationships.

Speaker1: [00:17:19] And and the thing is, when you’re a single mom and you’re busy, you think, I don’t have any time for this. And what I want to encourage you to think about is time is is so precious and to invest in our and ultimately to invest hours and hours into upgrading your decision making framework and upgrading your your skills when it comes to communication, relationship, masculine feminine dynamics, upgrading that, that’s a gift that you give to yourself that ultimately will save yourself time. So our clients are having experiences who formerly single moms, who they’re having experiences where they’re getting to see their child or children father by a stepfather in a way that they never even imagined. It’s taking the load off their shoulders. They’re having someone who they can trust to be a parent, not just a a butler or an errand boy or anything like that, but an actual parent, not obviously not replacing their biological father, but being someone who can can share the responsibility and who can be someone that that that they’re happy to be a role model of a husband and wife for their their child or children. And it all starts with having a completely different mindset about what it is that you’re you’re doing. So I’ll put the link down below or let you know about where you can get that five step game plan.

Speaker1: [00:18:54] But the main thing for you to to understand right now is that we understand how challenging it is to be a single mom. And because both Laura and myself were raised by a single mom, we understand these challenges and we very much want to help you get out of it because because of the love for your child and it’s the love of your child that you want to use to propel you to learn how to have a different experience of life. It’s the love of your child or children that you want to use to propel you to think about and learn about at a much higher level than you ever have before. How to attract somebody completely different and and better. And when we think about, you know, all the information that’s out there, TED, talk, YouTube blogs, podcasts, all of that stuff, all of that stuff is great. We have a YouTube channel, obviously, we have podcasts, all of that. But really it’s when you start to really see, okay, this is going to take more than that and I’m already so tired. But it’s like the short term effort. Like I said, just watch the one hour webinar is, is going to be paying you so much more dividends down the line and pay your. Older children dividends down the line. So so I hope you enjoyed this this episode. And I hope that you could see that there is hope for something new for you.

Speaker1: [00:20:26] There’s the the understanding that all of your love for your child doesn’t mean that you have to stay alone forever. Because if your child loves you the way you love him or her or them, of course they want to see you happy. And and being in a healthy, thriving, loving relationship is going to make you happy. And aren’t you then going to be a better mom to your child? Aren’t you then going to be a better person at work? You know, and I’m not saying that you need a man to be happy, but being alone sucks, right? It’s like, of course, again, better to be alone than to be with an asshole. Better to be alone than to be with a jerk. Better to be alone than to be with an alcoholic or an abuser or all of those things. But that’s not the only choices in life, right? So to know that something else is possible for you, I hope we’ll give you a little bit of of hopefulness. And I hope that you will recognize that all of your love for your for your child can be poured into you upgrading not only your decision making framework, but your whole life. What we see with with clients at work with us is they follow that five step game plan. They start getting raises, bonuses, making more money in their business or career or anything like that. And we work with doctors, lawyers, managers, executives, very, very, very busy women, single moms, busy women, not moms at all, but very busy professional women.

Speaker1: [00:22:05] And so we understand that time is precious. But that’s exactly why it’s important for you to invest an hour to to watch the five step game plan and really allow yourself to see it all the way through. Because if you kind of give it very little attention or you give it the kind of like, Wow, I’ll just do that while I’m washing dishes, doing something else, you’re not giving the future that you really want to create for yourself and your child or children. The energy and attention that attention that it deserves. So take a look at the five step game plan and look forward to talk to you soon. All right. Hope you enjoyed this episode. Bye for now. Thank you for joining us on Single to Soulmate. And listen, if you’re ready to move your life forward in a significant way, you’re going to want to check out our brand new masterclass. We’re giving you the five step game plan that you need to go from single to soulmate. All you have to do is go to singletosoulmate.com/call forward slash learn that Single to Soulmate dot com forward slash l e a r n. Learn and sign up for the master class. You’ll get a 24 hour exclusive pass to to watch that and learn your five steps to go from single to soulmate faster than you ever thought possible. Enjoy.

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Hope you enjoyed this episode of Single to Soulmate, brought to you by Feminine Radiance and Courage Institute! If you want to learn more about Johnny and Lara or want to start your own soulmate journey, go to johnnyandlara.com.